Alone

Alone

It’s cold… so cold..and I’m all
by myself here in this large
yet empty room…it’s
spacious..yes..and beautifully
decorated..but that’s all there is to it…
just an expensive
and ridiculous replacement
for a family….

-says a child longing for his parents’ love and attention-

Express Yourself

Uninspired…Corrupted…
Preoccupied…Confused…Alone…

these are the words that hinder
most aspiring writers….writing is
an art – a form of self- expression,and lack of
inspiration, corruption,preoccupation, confusion,
and the state of solitude, block
one’s self from freely
expressing his feelings…

ikan goreng

Prepared to Delight

If i change my ways,
will you appreciate me?
will i be good enough?
will you finally set me free?
from this cage so dark and muddy?
tied down by guilt, I’m trapped.

If i promise i’ll improve,
will you tell me something shrewd?
will you lie to me and say,
that one day i’ll have my way?
will you free me from this bondage?
or will you just increase the pain?

If i do my best and learn,
how the world can live alone,
will you show me the reality,
that is lived out by humanity?
will you finally agree,
that i’m capable of being me,
without the need of your entity?

– says the fish about to be served over a sumptuous meal-

Ikan goreng is an Indonesian version of fried fish. Its delicious and crispy. For those who are not fond of fish, this one is s must try- you’ll forget it’s actually a fish. I guarantee you..
.my daughter and husband who both are not a fish lover,…. when they first tried this one…..they have forgotten thier not so good relationship with fish.

Me, on the other hand was able to see through beyond this deliciously fried fish. …

siloso beach resort

Perfection

A day and a moment…
a sunrise and a sunset…
a life and me…
a wish it could be…

A snapshot of siloso beach in the morning. This photo was taken during
Our stay in this resort last April 24 to April 29. It’s like a jungle in the city- with its “back to basics” principle; siloso beach is a place for people who are “save mother earth” advocates, like me I suppose.

dreams

IMG_0013

I was having breakfast with my Aunt and her friend who went on a holiday trip with us. My aunt’s friend suddenly said ” i wish we could have this kind of life for the rest of our days….a delicious breakfast overlooking the beach…a hotel room accommodation ….a daily helper who would graciously say “can i make up your room”?…a perfect house in the middle of a forest inspired place……” I paused for a moment and thought…yah…why not?…….

If my dreams have powers,

I would dream of a majestic house;

a house with a luxurious living room…

a grandiose staircase…

a magnificent dining area…

an elegant chandelier….

a towering balcony….

But my dreams don’t have powers,

So, i didn’t get a majestic house;

but a wonderful home….

with joyful kids welcoming in our living room….

with cheerful girls running back and forth our stairs…

with visitors admiringly looking at our chandelier…

with relatives enjoying the afternoon view in our balcony…

If my dreams have powers,

I would dream of a perfect world;

where true friends are by your side in moments of sadness…

where neighbors are stronger and wiser….

where love is an act of surrendering to another person…

But my dreams don’t have powers,

So I have friends who are by my side in happy times,

because their joy is to see me delighted….

I have neighbors who are vulnerable because they have confidence in

themselves, and at some point they know we all stumble…

and  we love because we have faith in another person…

If my dreams have powers,

i would dream to believe that inner beauty matters most,

than outer beauty….

i would believe that friends maintain an open door…

i would believe that people are disciplined and organized…

But my dreams don’t have powers,

so i believe that outer beauty is inner beauty seen by the naked eye…

i believe that friends should only be interested in opening one door,

the door to my heart……

and i believe discipline is necessary but we have to be spontaneous

and enthusiastic, it makes us live life perfectly…

P.s.

So…. you see….an idea of a perfect life in a perfect world is basically attainable…you just have to change the way you view your on life….you can live a perfect life in a perfect world with perfect people around you; or you can live a miserable life always wanting for something you know you can never have…the choice is yours…

Live a perfect life!!!!!…it isn’t that hard after all…..Good luck…

motherhood

Its been a while since i have stopped working; but honestly, there are moments when i would pause and say “what would have i become if i did not quit my job?”..for the longest time i believed that we could be better parents if we have fulfilled what our hearts truly desire. Little did i realize that being a parent it will require us to take care of our kids …of our family that is the reality and reality bites;  thinking about what our heart desires should already be a thing of the past. Being a parent, we should always (i mean it always) consider what our children’s hearts desire…what they really want…what makes them happy…what is best for them…in short being a parent is no longer about ME….its about THE KIDS…and so it is only when we accept this truth that we truly become a parent…

the catch? if you think you are not yet ready to give up your own dreams and hopes in exchange of the dreams and hopes of little kids.. (trust me when you have kids, they would have different dreams and hopes as yours)…then, wait…..wait for the moment when you are ….when you are ready to pursue and fulfill the dreams and hopes of your own kids…

Defending the poor and unfortunate,

caring with a heart so compassionate;

ah! a lawyer that’s what i will be,

back then as a little girl with glee.

Broadcasting news on TV,

doing it with mind so steady;

Ah! a broadcaster i see,

back in high school so carefree.

Pouring thoughts on paper,

scribbling late at night so dear;

ah! a writer i will,

back in college with free will.

Never become a lawyer really,

it wasn’t my dream actually;

twas a childish thing to wish,

no dirt to dish.

Broadcasting wasn’t even for me,

though i have the chance to be;

you see a surgery on the neck,

making it hard to speak.

Writer i may have always been,

creating stories every now and then;

putting actions into words,

screaming as i scribble with thoughts.

You see, there’s something i miss,

never imagined i enjoyed it with bliss;

caring for little souls as they grow,

motherhood is what makes me glow.

P.s

i have just finished reading the novel “THE GIFT” by Cecelia Ahern. (like Paolo Coelho i love her too so much, am actually done reading 5 of her other best selling novels.) Anyways, i was saying … at the end of the novel she said “Each second makes its mark on every single person’s life- comes and then goes, quietly disappearing without fanfare, evaporating into air like steam from a piping hot christmas pudding. Enough time leaves us warm; when our time is gone, it leaves us cold. It is time of which we do not have enough; it is time that causes the war within our hearts, and so we must spend it wisely.”  So beautiful and so true….it reinforced and strengthened the truth that i have made the wisest decision ever…we barely have enough time to see our children grow and if we don’t spend it wisely with them we might one day be sitting in our rocking chair saying…”WHERE DID I GO WRONG?…WHAT HAVE I DONE…..WHAT HAVE I NOT DONE…” at least in the end whatever happens, and whatever kind of persons our children would become we know from the bottom of our hearts that we did everything to usher and prepare the way for them…

the best of luck to all mothers like me…and kids, believe me -when things go wrong, talk to the right person and that right person would always be your parent.

fairy tales

IMG_2659

I remembered a story once told to me by a friend…this is what the story is about….

Day 1…

You smiled at me with the warmest glow;

you greeted me with the kindest hello.

then no words uttered,

till you say “i’ll go”.

Day 2…

You stood beside me and say “how do you do?”

you added, “take care in whatever you do”.

then no words uttered,

till you say ” see you tomorrow”.

Day 3…

You were behind me saying “this is for you”;

you said ” go ahead have it with you”.

You begun talking, asking, and laughing;

you said “tis is wonderful in the making”.

then no words utterer,

till you say “i’ll be here tomorrow”.

Day 4…

You laugh at my silly jokes;

you smile at my petty mistakes.

you help me in any way;

you made me joyful all day.

you said “i’ll go with you”;

you added ” i’ll buy something for you”

then no words uttered,

till you say ” what about tomorrow?”

Day 5…

You arrived earlier;

you were merrier.

you throw me with a smile;

you’d converse with me for a while.

you showered me with so much affection;

you’d speak with the kindest attention.

you’re different this time;

you glow more and shine.

then no words uttered,

till you say ” i’ll call you later”.

Day 6….

you call me indeed;

you were outspoken and candid.

you said “wanna hear your voice”

you added ” no joke , no dice”.

then no words uttered,

till you say ” i ‘ll hung up for now”.

Day 7…

You arrive with something in your hand;

you said  “come and get it, don’t make me stand”.

you were smiling when you gave it over;

you added I’m sure you’ll remember this ever.

then no words uttered,

no calls made…

no warm glow….

no kind hello…..

no silly jokes….

no petty mistakes….

no showered affection…

no kindest attention….

It’s few weeks gone since i saw you last…

P.s.

few weeks ago i got the chance to reconnect to this friend and i happen to ask the about the story she once told me…unfortunately though, she said they parted ways…. you see, sometimes events can be so tricky…. i thought all the while that these two would have a “happy ever after” ending, like the ones that we’ve seen in some fairytale inspired movies.. But… well, after all, life is not a fairy tale..there can never always be a happy ending..we can only make the most out of each events in our lives… even if they did not have their happy ending and even if life is not a fairy tale it doesn’t mean that you can’t have your own happy ending….it doesn’t mean that you can’t have your own fairy tale….it’s up to you…make your own happy ending…create your own fairy tale..after all..YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU DESERVE….

Good luck!!!!.I believe in happy endings.. I believe in fairy tales… (in case you failed to read between the lines…for the record, i have my happy ending, i have a my own fairy tale)…