It’s True

It’s True

i’ve heard it a million times

i couldn’t possibly be wrong

it keeps spinning back and forth

in my head 

in my heart

in my being.

i knew it, i couldn’t be wrong

don’t tell me i’m goin’ crazy

it keeps coming back and forth

why doesn’t the phone ring stop?

i’ve pressed all buttons.

no, i’m not delusional

no, i’m not crazy

no, i’m not paranoid

how dare you call me one

in names, i am not

i’ve heard it and i knew it to be true.

you’ve insisted it’s me being paranoid

nothing’s happening

nothing’s wrong

with the phone

or the surroundings

or the people around.

so you took your hands off me

after all, how could you possibly

be with someone whose

like me.

but really, it’s true

why doesn’t the phone ring stop?

i’ve pressed all buttons

it’s happening

you refused to believe

just as you refuse

to see where 

i am coming from 

in my agony. 

Gaslighting has become the latest emotional abuse trend. I wanted to call it a trend because I had never heard about it before.

Gaslighting, according to the dictionary, is to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. Sounds terrible, right? But this happens to many; some don’t know their partners are gaslighting them. Unfortunately, the one gaslighting you may not also be aware of their behavior, and if they are, they refuse to believe. 

In relationships, an abusive person may use gaslighting to isolate their partner, undermine their confidence, and make them easier to control. For example, they might tell someone they are irrational until the person starts to think it must be true. Sounds familiar?

Here is an interesting article about gaslighting that might help you process or deal with the abuse and hopefully quickly leave the situation. (https://www.healthline.com/health/gaslighting)

Someone who’s gaslighting might:

  • insist you said or did things you know you didn’t do
  • deny or scoff at your recollection of events
  • call you “too sensitive” or “crazy” when you express your needs or concerns
  • express doubts to others about your feelings, behavior, and state of mind
  • twisting or retelling events to shift blame to you
  • insist they’re right and refuse to consider facts or your perspective

Signs you’ve experienced gaslighting

Experiencing gaslighting can leave you second-guessing yourself constantly, not to mention overwhelmed, confused, and uncertain about your ability to make decisions on your own.

Other key signs you’re experiencing gaslighting include:

  • an urge to apologize all the time
  • believing you can’t do anything right
  • frequent feelings of nervousness, anxiety, or worry
  • a loss of confidence
  • constantly wondering if you’re too sensitive
  • feeling disconnected from your sense of self, as if you’re losing your identity
  • believing you’re to blame when things go wrong
  • a persistent sense that something isn’t right, though you can’t identify exactly what’s wrong
  • a lingering sense of hopelessness, frustration, or emotional numbness

These feelings tend to come from what the other person says or implies about your behavior. For example:

  • “You seem so confused lately, and you keep forgetting things. I’m getting a little worried.”
  • “You know I wouldn’t say these things if I didn’t care, right?”

This mask of concern can leave you even more convinced there’s something “wrong” with you.

Gaslighting can also show up as changes in your behavior. You might find yourself:

  • making choices to please others instead of yourself
  • frequently questioning whether you said the right thing or made the right choice
  • making excuses for the person gaslighting you to family and friends
  • lying or isolating yourself from loved ones to avoid conflict
  • constantly reviewing your words and actions to make sure you’ve done everything “right”
  • spending little or no time on the activities or hobbies you used to enjoy

Why do people do it

According to Stern, people often gaslight because being right allows them to validate themselves. When gaslighters feel threatened, they need you to believe and support their version of events in order to maintain their sense of power and control.

Gaslighting can also happen when someone believes their narrative is more valid than someone else’s, says Ana De La Cruz, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida.

Persuading someone else to question their own reality, then, can leave them with a sense of superiority, De La Cruz explains.

It’s a Line Prompt this week.

“Why doesn’t the phone ring stop? I’ve pressed all buttons.”

30 Comments

  1. Sadje says:

    This is such an important discussion Mich. Gaslighting is more common than we think. It’s a weapon to weaken the other by making them doubt their own abilities/ senses/ feelings. Thanks for bringing this to forefront. I would like to share this on my blog?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. michnavs says:

      thank you so much Sadje. Yes, i would be honored that you will share this. we need more awareness on this form of abuse especially nowadays that the abuser is really becoming more equipped with manipulating their potential victims. thank you Sadje.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Reena Saxena says:

    Beautifully done, Mich! I like how you build the refrain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. michnavs says:

      Thank you so much Reena…we have a very interesting prompt this week. It should also be divided into stanzas with word drop format…but WP destroyed my form..

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Reena Saxena says:

        The alternative is to take a screenshot of your Word doc or page and post it here as an image.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. michnavs says:

        Ohhh yeah…thank you Reena…i have not thought of that…❤️

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Reena Saxena says:

    Reblogged this on Reena Saxena and commented:
    It’s true – Observations on gaslighting by Michelle Navajas

    Liked by 1 person

    1. michnavs says:

      Thank you Reena

      Liked by 2 people

  4. It’s been going on, definitely. People just had no word for it then or didn’t know much about it. Mother Gothel in the film Tangled is an example of a gaslighter. Thank you for this, Mich.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. michnavs says:

      Thank you so much Maria..yes..Mother Gothel is indeed an epic example..❤️

      Liked by 2 people

    1. michnavs says:

      Thank you Sadje..

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Mich, this is a wonderful poem and a vital spotlight on gaslighting. I experienced this years ago, before it had this name. Thanks for posting about this. Hugs 💕🙂

    Like

    1. michnavs says:

      Oh, so sorry to hear that Harmony….and thank you dearly for sharing..

      Liked by 1 person

    1. michnavs says:

      Thank you so much..❤️

      Like

  6. Indira says:

    Nice writing about this. Beautifully written. I know some who have gone through this but didn’t know it is called ‘gaslighting’

    Like

    1. michnavs says:

      Thank you Indira..yes, for a while we didn’t know how to call it..and now that we knew..some victims may not even be aware too..

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Indira says:

        So true, dear.

        Like

      2. michnavs says:

        Thank you Indira💕🎈

        Like

  7. Thank you so much for highlighting this form of emotional abuse. It is so scary. And so sad. It seems to being going on too often, too much, these days. 😦 It’s important for people to learn about it and help to put a stop to it.
    (((HUGS))) ❤️

    Like

    1. michnavs says:

      Thank you so much Carolyn for being one with me on this …and yes, it has got to stop.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ❤️❤️❤️

        Like

  8. murisopsis says:

    You got the point across with a most lyrical verse! A very sad condition where so many relationships are sabotaged by one partner… so very wicked….

    Like

    1. michnavs says:

      Oh, so true Val…and i this has got to stop. thank you Val.

      Like

  9. Anita Bacha says:

    Beautiful poem, Mich and absorbing write above gaslighting.

    Like

    1. michnavs says:

      Thank you so dearly Anita..❤️🙏

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Anita Bacha says:

        My pleasure always to read and to take in your words,Mich! ❤️

        Like

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