As I continue to explore writing issues and topics that are mostly taboo; like “miscarriage” I opted to write an affirmation poem for mothers who have silently lost thier babies during the course of pregnancy.
Positive affirmation will hopefully help them heal.
Miscarriage is a traumatic event which affects every woman differently, but can lead to grief, anxiety, depression, and even symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Some women chose to speak up and share. Some opted to keep silent and continue with their lives. And it might surprise us, but some have actually become a highly functional empowered woman. And some believed (even the mother herself) that she moved on with the trauma. Little do we know that they are actually the ones agonizing the most. When the lights, the glamour, the demands of work are over their world will fall apart. And the cycle just continues for them.
If i could scream I’d scream of little bleeps. Yes, little, tiny…that’s what I am. A small innocent “bleep” wanting to grow, wanting to survive and wishing to see the world outside.
From where I am is pure darkness. But I love it here. It’s warm and cozy. It feels so good just to be hovering wiggling around, so comfortable. I love it here, really. Oh, except when I hear loud thunderous screaming, yelling, shouting. I wanted it to stop. For each yelling feels like I’m dying. It has been like this for a while and it’s getting louder each day. I must say, today was the worst. Each loud scream was synonymous to a painful sharp cry.
I wonder when will this ever end.
Will I even make it out alive?
Please mom hang on there, we’ll make it together. I promise I’ll be your most loving little bleep ever.
And oh, dad…yes dad I can’t wait to see you. I only hear stories of you from mom. Those sweet lovely stories she’d tell me everynight. In between her sobs. Oh, I could feel how much she misses you.
So dear Lord I hope the thunder stops. I hope it ends soon. I fear I won’t make it out.
Mom, dad….please hang on guys, little bleep will be out soon. We’ll be together I promise.
Papa . how can i ever get over you? how can i not think ’bout you? i kept your memories dearly in my heart for so long and oh, how i can forget you even for a while? . they say time and distance will make you forget but that won’t gonna work for me it has been so long, oh, so long i could clearly see your face smile over me, i could hear you speak to me in your soft modulated voice, i could feel your warm embrace and comforting touch . so much has happened, and there has been so many changes i bet you don’t even know anymore the songs played on the radio or that, sorry but you have to know rock bands are popular no more i know it’s sad, and i too am sad believe me, i am sad . how can i ever forget, the first time my heart has swooned by your endearing voice, soothing, perfect just for me, i’d fall asleep easily, on your lap, on your shoulder, and oh, please i could trade anything, yes anything just to hear your voice again . your voice, ah, your voice is kept carefully in the deepest recesses of my being every beat of my heart is every lullaby you sing, every breath i take is every melody of your undying love . Papa, let’s sing together, one more time “Michelle, ma belle These are words that go together well My Michelle Michelle, ma belle…”
I wish you’re beside me right now ‘cos there’s just so much I wanna tell you after all, you’re at your best listening to my stories your eyes, oh how I remember they light up to your heart’s desire when I giggle, when I laugh at my own faulty storytelling technique
I swear I could finally win, any word games you would challenge me for oh, I bet you didn’t know I’ve learned a lot overtime I’ve mastered it for a while and I would bet every single coin there is in my pocket for this
do you remember how I’d cry but I wouldn’t say a word why? I was hurt, so hurt I know you will be if I tell you why, but, with you no amount of words is needed nor a great amount of pep talk is required, with you heaven is on earth
and right now, just right now I wish you’re beside me there’s just so much I wanna tell you ‘cos papa, nothing beats your warm angelic embrace your comforting words and your heavenly presence
you are still, the only man who truly believes in me even when I say nothing at all and, I could trade anything just to be with you right now
and oh, papa, you miss another one of my birthdays again!
A late Father’s day poem for my papa in heaven wishing he is with me on my birthday (late birthday post too)
it has been over six months since I last held your hands and kissed you goodnight; it was the longest six months of our lives. others have succumbed to the tragedy, a tragedy no man would ever wish to go through. a tragedy I never even thought I’d witnessed in this lifetime.
the world stopped.
in a snap of a finger and a blink of an eye, everything changed.
but you my dear never changed. you remained humble, resilient, and loving.
you never complained when everyone was complaining. you never rant when everyone was mad. you never questioned when everyone was in doubt.
you remained calm, even in chaos. you remained brave in the presence of fear.
you smiled when everyone else wasn’t.
you were grateful even when the whole world thought there is nothing to be thankful about.
you have kept your composure, your faith and, your cheerfulness.
my child, you possess an everlasting beauty – not even time nor old age can take away.
six months after, here we are my child with tears in our eyes and smiles on our faces – back in each other’s arms.
you are now back in my loving arms. your safest place. your greatest comfort.
We know that Baby pandas are amazingly small. Each cub weighs only about 3 ½ ounces (100 grams) at birth. And because of that, a panda mother must carry her baby around very gently and take care of it until it is big enough to move around on its own. Pandas are known for being very careful and protective mothers. I suppose with such tiny babies, they have to be! Just like a panda mom, I too was very protective of my children. I resigned from my job and took care of them full time. And for the longest time, I was always by their side. I was on a constant guard of them; on everything and anything – until pandemic happens. We were separated for a long while and yes, I was devastated and worried at first. Devastated, because I never thought, something terrible as the pandemic could happen and separate us. Worried, because I was never away from them for so long. But lo, and behold! I must have done something great for raising my children. I never thought they could actually live independently on their own ( without complaints). I never imagined they’d be able to feed themselves on their own ( without me having to prepare their meals. And I also never imagined they remain calm and joyful and optimistic (amidst the distance). The pandemic has made me the proudest mother that I am today. I raised mentally and emotionally stable daughters. They are generally happy children and they chose to remain the same.
Now, I am just like a panda mom. My then kids were like newborn pandas who cry for milk now and then in between feedings, a panda mother will rarely put her baby down. When sitting, the mother holds the tiny creature in her paw. When she is on the move, she carries the baby gently in her mouth. I was like that. But now with the pandemic, I realized my daughters have grown up just like panda cubs; the moment they learn to walk on their own panda mom, allows them to freely explore the world around them.
My children are now ready to explore the world freely on their own.