My Saga Continuous

My Saga on my awareness campaign against Violence continuous as i explore the possible reasons why abused women chose to stay in an abusive relationship.

 

Over a cup of coffee, i relentlessly write with my heart bleeding remembering each and every victim of violence out there.

 

you are poised and elegant
they admire you for that
you speak of love and compassion
they adore you for that
underneath it all
is a soul crumbling and struggling

your smile is contagious
they like you for that
you are charming and inspiring
they emulate you for that
underneath it all
are million pieces of forgotten dreams and broken promises

you are a silent victim
of violence
masquerading
in a beautiful shadow of living

Written for calmkate’s Friday fun -Contadictions
Friday Fun – contradiction

The contradictions in the life of an abused woman.  Hiding the pains, the agonies and the traumas; in between smiles and hellos and coping up and not breaking down.

Some may have questioned the sanity of an abused woman who tried to stay in a relationship despite of the violence she is experiencing.

In 2014 NFL linebacker Ray Rice knocked his fiancée Janay Palmer unconscious in an elevator.  He was then accused of domestic violence and suspended for two games. After a few weeks, he was formally charged, but  to the surprise of everybody he and Palmer were married the next day.

There was a security video of the event that surfaced, and quickly went viral.
Janay Palmer was knocked down and dragged out of the elevator by Rice.

Plot twist, Janay Palmer, the beaten knocked and dragged fiance, spoke out in defense of her then husband. In a press conference she apologized and said: “I deeply regret the role I played that night”.
She posted on instagram  “Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is,” and asked everybody to stop judging her husband.

This triggered the public’s view over abused women. The public  could not understand how Palmer could be standing by her man.

People began to question her sanity, innocence, and motives.

Why would she stay with him, let alone defend Rice who had knocked her unconscious? What was wrong with Janay Palmer that she would do this?

Why can’t an abused victim simply walk away?

According to Jason B. Whiting, PhD, LMFT is a Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at Texas Tech University there are 8 reasons why an abused victim choose to stay.

1. Distorted Thoughts.

Being controlled and hurt is traumatizing, and this leads to confusion, doubts, and even self-blame. Perpetrators harass and accuse victims, which wears them down and causes despair and guilt.

2. Damaged Self-Worth.

Related was the damage to the self that is the result of degrading treatment. Many women felt beaten down and of no value.

3. Fear.

The threat of bodily and emotional harm is powerful, and abusers use this to control and keep women trapped.

4. Wanting to be a Savior.

Many described a desire to help, or love their partners with the hopes that they could change them.

5. Children.

These women also put their children first, sacrificing their own safety.
6. Family Expectations and Experiences.

Many posted descriptions of how past experiences with violence distorted their sense of self or of healthy relationships.

7. Financial Constraints.

Many referred to financial limitations, and these were often connected to caring for children.

8. Isolation.

A common tactic of manipulative partners is to separate their victim from family and friends.
Source: Institute for Family Studies. Retrieved from https://ifstudies.org/blog/eight-reasons-women-stay-in-abusive-relationships

Posted in support of Perak Women for Women Society
The PWW Centre
15 Market Street
30000 Ipoh
Tel : 05-2469715

https://www.facebook.com/PerakWomenforWomen/

https://www.facebook.com/1MillionStars/
The Reasons mentioned above are just few of the many possible reasons there could be for staying in an abusive relationship.

So, if you are a victim and are afraid to speak up feel free to provide me with your comment below. I guarantee you that I will protect your privacy.

LET’S TALK;  It may HELP you!!!

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Mother

Time has not robbed my feelings

toward my mother

she’s still the sweet darling,

and she’ll be forever mine.

Age may have changed her

face now furrow – laden,

the beauty is still there;

she is my ideal token.

 

P.S.

Happy mother’s day to my mother and to all the amazing moms around the world. Over the years, my daughters made/created the best and most creative mother’s day gift for me.

These are just few of the may creative presents they made for me over the years. I am one lucky mom to have these amazing, thoughtful and wonderful daugthers..not to mention they are pretty too…ahhh the BEST LUXURY IN LIFE EVERY MOTHER COULD EVER HAVE.

 

Linking for calmkate’s Friday fun – Luxury, hop in and join the fun https://aroused.blog/2019/05/11/friday-fun-luxury/

35 Degrees

I haven’t written anything for a long time. I am writing back today in honor of my father whose death anniversary we are commemorating.

My father gave me my first book, my first writing material and my first edited letter. Yes, you read it right  “edited letter”.  Whenever i was away from home back then i will write him a letter and he will send it back to me with corresponding corrections.

He gave me the best gift – the gift of words. We would play scrabble together. I never won; not that he was very competetive but simply because he wanted me to learn play up with words and hopefully win (it never happened; he was a walking dictionary). We would buy newspapers everyday only to keep up with the daily crossword puzzle challenge.

He once told me i have the gift of imagination. And he said ” write where your imagination leads you.” Later in life when i began writing in school he told me “now is the time for you to write where your heart leads you; the power of our imagination is so strong but the power of our hearts where love resides is stronger.”

 

35 Degrees

Its 35 degrees on a hot summer day
No one anticipated it
Nobody expected  it would come
But it happened
It rained
On a 35 degrees hot summer day
Nobody anticipated
No one expected
Yet it happened
Just as you went away
On a 35 degrees hot summer day

 

Thank you papa for the wonderful gift you left behind. You will forever live in my words and you will forever come alive in my imagination but i assure you, you will always and forever be in my heart where love resides eternally.
I would like to thank my dear followers for standing by while i was away. Special thanks to Kate of https://aroused.blog , Gina of https://alifelesslivedblog.wordpress.com, Irma of Iidorun, https://iidorun.wordpress.com, Jules of dailyjewelsbyjules.wordpress.com
for the daily dose of writing inspiration.

Touch

 

Two little boys enjoying their “touching” moment  with this adorable farm goat..

Even a simple touch while in bed can lull someone to sleep.

 

Warm and affectionate touch
What every child need
To develop long -term
Of sense of worth, security
And of emotional resilience

A single touch
Can be worth than a thousand
“I love you’s”

 

Posted for:
Friday Foto Fun – Texture by calmkate

 

~Dad~

Thanks to my daughter Pat for this beautiful photo~~~

 

~My dearest~

I am but a shadow in the dark
Slowly coming out
Gently whispering
Unto your tormented soul…

“Its gonna be alright”

~Dad~

 

 

Summer on a Rainy Day

 

Not long after you were born
summer arrives,
flowers bloom
as nature prepares itself
for a month long of
sunshine….

You are dependable, friendly
and happier than others;
“the happier you are the
more joy you will share with
the world around you”
that’s what you always say.

You never wanna be famous
or filthy rich
but hey, you were born along
Mark Zuckerberg and John F. Kennedy;
unbelievably amazing
we always thought…

I loved your silly quirky smile
as you received my little
“do it myself” card
“you’re the sweetest”
you’ll say
it melts my heart always.

I never like outdoors,
moreso the beach but
you always wanna celebrate there
so i went with my swimsuit
and sandals every year
only because you insist…

Its not your birthday yet dad
but i missed you.
and i remembered you.
you would have been 66 this year;
thinking of you feels like summer
on a rainy day……

 

 

Silenced (Triple Haiku)

Adored you i wept
In the silence of my heart
I whispered and sighed

I sat beside you
Not a word even to say
Let me walk away

I will thrudge through there
That long narrow road, I’ll be
Walk with me my love