ikan goreng

Prepared to Delight

If i change my ways,
will you appreciate me?
will i be good enough?
will you finally set me free?
from this cage so dark and muddy?
tied down by guilt, I’m trapped.

If i promise i’ll improve,
will you tell me something shrewd?
will you lie to me and say,
that one day i’ll have my way?
will you free me from this bondage?
or will you just increase the pain?

If i do my best and learn,
how the world can live alone,
will you show me the reality,
that is lived out by humanity?
will you finally agree,
that i’m capable of being me,
without the need of your entity?

– says the fish about to be served over a sumptuous meal-

Ikan goreng is an Indonesian version of fried fish. Its delicious and crispy. For those who are not fond of fish, this one is s must try- you’ll forget it’s actually a fish. I guarantee you..
.my daughter and husband who both are not a fish lover,…. when they first tried this one…..they have forgotten thier not so good relationship with fish.

Me, on the other hand was able to see through beyond this deliciously fried fish. …

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siloso beach resort

Perfection

A day and a moment…
a sunrise and a sunset…
a life and me…
a wish it could be…

A snapshot of siloso beach in the morning. This photo was taken during
Our stay in this resort last April 24 to April 29. It’s like a jungle in the city- with its “back to basics” principle; siloso beach is a place for people who are “save mother earth” advocates, like me I suppose.

dreams

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I was having breakfast with my Aunt and her friend who went on a holiday trip with us. My aunt’s friend suddenly said ” i wish we could have this kind of life for the rest of our days….a delicious breakfast overlooking the beach…a hotel room accommodation ….a daily helper who would graciously say “can i make up your room”?…a perfect house in the middle of a forest inspired place……” I paused for a moment and thought…yah…why not?…….

If my dreams have powers,

I would dream of a majestic house;

a house with a luxurious living room…

a grandiose staircase…

a magnificent dining area…

an elegant chandelier….

a towering balcony….

But my dreams don’t have powers,

So, i didn’t get a majestic house;

but a wonderful home….

with joyful kids welcoming in our living room….

with cheerful girls running back and forth our stairs…

with visitors admiringly looking at our chandelier…

with relatives enjoying the afternoon view in our balcony…

If my dreams have powers,

I would dream of a perfect world;

where true friends are by your side in moments of sadness…

where neighbors are stronger and wiser….

where love is an act of surrendering to another person…

But my dreams don’t have powers,

So I have friends who are by my side in happy times,

because their joy is to see me delighted….

I have neighbors who are vulnerable because they have confidence in

themselves, and at some point they know we all stumble…

and  we love because we have faith in another person…

If my dreams have powers,

i would dream to believe that inner beauty matters most,

than outer beauty….

i would believe that friends maintain an open door…

i would believe that people are disciplined and organized…

But my dreams don’t have powers,

so i believe that outer beauty is inner beauty seen by the naked eye…

i believe that friends should only be interested in opening one door,

the door to my heart……

and i believe discipline is necessary but we have to be spontaneous

and enthusiastic, it makes us live life perfectly…

P.s.

So…. you see….an idea of a perfect life in a perfect world is basically attainable…you just have to change the way you view your on life….you can live a perfect life in a perfect world with perfect people around you; or you can live a miserable life always wanting for something you know you can never have…the choice is yours…

Live a perfect life!!!!!…it isn’t that hard after all…..Good luck…

motherhood

Its been a while since i have stopped working; but honestly, there are moments when i would pause and say “what would have i become if i did not quit my job?”..for the longest time i believed that we could be better parents if we have fulfilled what our hearts truly desire. Little did i realize that being a parent it will require us to take care of our kids …of our family that is the reality and reality bites;  thinking about what our heart desires should already be a thing of the past. Being a parent, we should always (i mean it always) consider what our children’s hearts desire…what they really want…what makes them happy…what is best for them…in short being a parent is no longer about ME….its about THE KIDS…and so it is only when we accept this truth that we truly become a parent…

the catch? if you think you are not yet ready to give up your own dreams and hopes in exchange of the dreams and hopes of little kids.. (trust me when you have kids, they would have different dreams and hopes as yours)…then, wait…..wait for the moment when you are ….when you are ready to pursue and fulfill the dreams and hopes of your own kids…

Defending the poor and unfortunate,

caring with a heart so compassionate;

ah! a lawyer that’s what i will be,

back then as a little girl with glee.

Broadcasting news on TV,

doing it with mind so steady;

Ah! a broadcaster i see,

back in high school so carefree.

Pouring thoughts on paper,

scribbling late at night so dear;

ah! a writer i will,

back in college with free will.

Never become a lawyer really,

it wasn’t my dream actually;

twas a childish thing to wish,

no dirt to dish.

Broadcasting wasn’t even for me,

though i have the chance to be;

you see a surgery on the neck,

making it hard to speak.

Writer i may have always been,

creating stories every now and then;

putting actions into words,

screaming as i scribble with thoughts.

You see, there’s something i miss,

never imagined i enjoyed it with bliss;

caring for little souls as they grow,

motherhood is what makes me glow.

P.s

i have just finished reading the novel “THE GIFT” by Cecelia Ahern. (like Paolo Coelho i love her too so much, am actually done reading 5 of her other best selling novels.) Anyways, i was saying … at the end of the novel she said “Each second makes its mark on every single person’s life- comes and then goes, quietly disappearing without fanfare, evaporating into air like steam from a piping hot christmas pudding. Enough time leaves us warm; when our time is gone, it leaves us cold. It is time of which we do not have enough; it is time that causes the war within our hearts, and so we must spend it wisely.”  So beautiful and so true….it reinforced and strengthened the truth that i have made the wisest decision ever…we barely have enough time to see our children grow and if we don’t spend it wisely with them we might one day be sitting in our rocking chair saying…”WHERE DID I GO WRONG?…WHAT HAVE I DONE…..WHAT HAVE I NOT DONE…” at least in the end whatever happens, and whatever kind of persons our children would become we know from the bottom of our hearts that we did everything to usher and prepare the way for them…

the best of luck to all mothers like me…and kids, believe me -when things go wrong, talk to the right person and that right person would always be your parent.

fairy tales

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I remembered a story once told to me by a friend…this is what the story is about….

Day 1…

You smiled at me with the warmest glow;

you greeted me with the kindest hello.

then no words uttered,

till you say “i’ll go”.

Day 2…

You stood beside me and say “how do you do?”

you added, “take care in whatever you do”.

then no words uttered,

till you say ” see you tomorrow”.

Day 3…

You were behind me saying “this is for you”;

you said ” go ahead have it with you”.

You begun talking, asking, and laughing;

you said “tis is wonderful in the making”.

then no words utterer,

till you say “i’ll be here tomorrow”.

Day 4…

You laugh at my silly jokes;

you smile at my petty mistakes.

you help me in any way;

you made me joyful all day.

you said “i’ll go with you”;

you added ” i’ll buy something for you”

then no words uttered,

till you say ” what about tomorrow?”

Day 5…

You arrived earlier;

you were merrier.

you throw me with a smile;

you’d converse with me for a while.

you showered me with so much affection;

you’d speak with the kindest attention.

you’re different this time;

you glow more and shine.

then no words uttered,

till you say ” i’ll call you later”.

Day 6….

you call me indeed;

you were outspoken and candid.

you said “wanna hear your voice”

you added ” no joke , no dice”.

then no words uttered,

till you say ” i ‘ll hung up for now”.

Day 7…

You arrive with something in your hand;

you said  “come and get it, don’t make me stand”.

you were smiling when you gave it over;

you added I’m sure you’ll remember this ever.

then no words uttered,

no calls made…

no warm glow….

no kind hello…..

no silly jokes….

no petty mistakes….

no showered affection…

no kindest attention….

It’s few weeks gone since i saw you last…

P.s.

few weeks ago i got the chance to reconnect to this friend and i happen to ask the about the story she once told me…unfortunately though, she said they parted ways…. you see, sometimes events can be so tricky…. i thought all the while that these two would have a “happy ever after” ending, like the ones that we’ve seen in some fairytale inspired movies.. But… well, after all, life is not a fairy tale..there can never always be a happy ending..we can only make the most out of each events in our lives… even if they did not have their happy ending and even if life is not a fairy tale it doesn’t mean that you can’t have your own happy ending….it doesn’t mean that you can’t have your own fairy tale….it’s up to you…make your own happy ending…create your own fairy tale..after all..YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU DESERVE….

Good luck!!!!.I believe in happy endings.. I believe in fairy tales… (in case you failed to read between the lines…for the record, i have my happy ending, i have a my own fairy tale)…

Heavenly As It Can Be

Some people come…some people go…some we remembered…some we have forgotten…some we hated..some we loved…but there are times when we meet people and we are surprised by how they have made an impact on our lives..

After quitting my job, i thought my world would be stuck in the four corners of our beautiful Spanish – Mediterranean inspired house. But i was wrong. I had a once in a lifetime opportunity to have worked with amazing educators who have truly inspired me. Here’s something for these ladies who i thought are really amazing and worth emulating…(maybe i just miss them….just maybe)

Four lovely ladies,

all dressed in fancy white sassy dresses.

The first is tall and pretty,

she could be a bet in the runway.

They say, she should not be strutting in fancy braces,

unfit for a muse in service.

To be holy, to be cheerful,

you don’t need a brace in full.

I say even the angels in heaven

would sing and dance with this maiden,

for her perfect white teeth with braces,

making her the most charming always.

The second is smart and witty,

she could be defending the poor and needy.

They say she’s better off as lawyer in the hall,

for she’s too inquisitive and highly intellectual.

I say, even Jesus needs a lawyer, though late,

she could have defended Him against Pilate

who chooses Barabas over Jesus.

With that, all the angels and saints

will be rejoicing and dancing merrily in heaven

for she chooses Jesus over the academe.

The third is small but terrible,

the most jolly of all.

always wanting perfect answers for imperfect queries.

I say even the high priest in the early times

would be glad for her conviction and singing prowess.

The choirs in heaven would welcome her surely,

for she makes the best song leader truly.

small and terrible indeed,

she’s the sweetest, should you know i bet.

The last of course is not the least, i was told,

she’s perfectly perfect for an imperfect world.

They say she’s too good to be true in fact,

she should see that reality bites and be tact.

I say, we are in dire need of someone like her,

who makes service filled with cheer.

I’m sure even Jesus needs a budget officer,

so i bet she’d have a perfect place there.

With these ladies around,

messing up could be no way bound.

So be truly cheerful and holy,

for they will help you fully.

P.s.

I just thought this is a perfect tribute for the wonderful ladies who have been so wonderful and amazing…So if you guys think you need to say something for someone, do it now….never wait…who knows you might not have the time to do it…go ahead and tell them how much you appreciated them…them tell how much smile they have put on your face…tell them they have warmed your heart…tell them you have missed them.. and above all, tell them you LOVE them more than they have ever know…It may sound corny…funny..cheesy…but don’t you know that the corniest…the funniest..the cheesiest things are most of the times the ones that keep us all as one big happy family. Oh by the way…these ladies are the amazing Salesian Sisters..

Paulo Coelho

Paolo Coelho is such a brilliant writer. So brilliant that i actually realized i have journeyed along with him through his novels… They say a writer never runs out of idea. But last night,… for a while I thought i did. It was terrible, having the flu, the colds…..i couldn’t think of something worthy writing. I came across an old notebook in which i have written some of the titles of the books I’ve read and have made an impact in my life…and that’s it!…I just got an idea….Thanks so much Paolo.. you are truly an inspiration..

Santiago was a young boy

in 1988 you created him in Alchemist.

i was in my ponytails and pigtails,

in 1988 a little girl so clueless.

twenty years after,

i met Santiago by dinner.

he said when you want something,

all the universe conspires in helping.

Along came Brida,

in 1990 you made.

a beautiful gypsy girl

whose quest for knowledge is amazing.

i was a growing to be like her,

in 1990 a high school teenage girl.

she said seek for the truth

never be scared for what have been sought.

You ventured to the Mojave desert,

in 1992 to find the Valkyries who assert

that finding your guardian angel

you need them badly for help.

1992  was the year to say

you realized trudging the desert is a dismay.

I was walking through another space

like you in the dessert i race.

By the river Piedra you placed

two lovers in such a maze.

In 1994 you proved that love

is indeed like a flying dove.

cage it and it will scream to death,

but let it go and it will fly back with great faith.

I was searching for the same passion

yet i let go and move on with fashion.

Elijah an obedient angel in 1997,

you created with pride and great sense.

You proved once more that obedience,

is such a value forgotten with negligence.

I entered college as freshman,

in an academe where there was no man,

to focus on my dreams

and be like Elijah on the Fifth Mountain.

In 1997 Veronica decides to die,

a perfect lady who commits suicide.

Confided in an asylum for a while,

she sees the whole world in a different style.

I was a young mother then, I tangled,

caring and nurturing as I struggled.

I see the world different as it used to be,

with a baby at hand i disregard being me.

In 2000 the Devil meets Ms. Prym,

taking responsibilities and actions in rhyme.

She said our conduct is a matter of control and choice,

indeed as I battle with my own evil’s choice.

I made things right by then,

fulfilling my dreams is what i mean.

Truly we battle everyday in life,

between good and evil we continue to strife.

Maria in 2003 was born

in Eleven Minutes you’ve shown,

true love is  being with someone

without possessing no one.

I was already focused and stable

with my family complete on the table.

It might take eleven minutes to stop,

and proclaim your live on top.

The Witch of Portobello in 2006 came to being,

searching for one true self in the beginning.

She said opening up to the energies of the world,

is one thing we should withstand and behold.

I have matured and become successful,

but continues to reach out to fulfill

a life of stability and contentment,

lies in opening oneself and atonement.

Indeed the Winner Stands Alone,

in 2008 you created in tone.

With the rise of the super class,

born Ewa, Igor, and Hamid who falls.

I was torn between work and family,

choosing the latter made life lovely.

As  Igor, Ewa and Hamid fell defeated,

I stood triumphantly even when I’m seated.

2010 came, Aleph you discovered,

a point where the whole universe is contained.

Hilal you met and converse,

in Aleph your only universe.

I have found my Aleph too,

in the arms of the one who truly knew,

in sickness and in health indeed,

true love once the world forbid.

P.s.

You see, sometimes we read purposely only to be amazed…..little did we realize that we read what we read and we love the writers we love because at some point, our lives have met….our energies have been pulled together….our minds have been on the same level… and our paths have crossed (believe me we all did…in time…)