Alone

Alone

It’s cold… so cold..and I’m all
by myself here in this large
yet empty room…it’s
spacious..yes..and beautifully
decorated..but that’s all there is to it…
just an expensive
and ridiculous replacement
for a family….

-says a child longing for his parents’ love and attention-

ikan goreng

Prepared to Delight

If i change my ways,
will you appreciate me?
will i be good enough?
will you finally set me free?
from this cage so dark and muddy?
tied down by guilt, I’m trapped.

If i promise i’ll improve,
will you tell me something shrewd?
will you lie to me and say,
that one day i’ll have my way?
will you free me from this bondage?
or will you just increase the pain?

If i do my best and learn,
how the world can live alone,
will you show me the reality,
that is lived out by humanity?
will you finally agree,
that i’m capable of being me,
without the need of your entity?

– says the fish about to be served over a sumptuous meal-

Ikan goreng is an Indonesian version of fried fish. Its delicious and crispy. For those who are not fond of fish, this one is s must try- you’ll forget it’s actually a fish. I guarantee you..
.my daughter and husband who both are not a fish lover,…. when they first tried this one…..they have forgotten thier not so good relationship with fish.

Me, on the other hand was able to see through beyond this deliciously fried fish. …

siloso beach resort

Perfection

A day and a moment…
a sunrise and a sunset…
a life and me…
a wish it could be…

A snapshot of siloso beach in the morning. This photo was taken during
Our stay in this resort last April 24 to April 29. It’s like a jungle in the city- with its “back to basics” principle; siloso beach is a place for people who are “save mother earth” advocates, like me I suppose.

dreams

IMG_0013

I was having breakfast with my Aunt and her friend who went on a holiday trip with us. My aunt’s friend suddenly said ” i wish we could have this kind of life for the rest of our days….a delicious breakfast overlooking the beach…a hotel room accommodation ….a daily helper who would graciously say “can i make up your room”?…a perfect house in the middle of a forest inspired place……” I paused for a moment and thought…yah…why not?…….

 

If my dreams have powers,

I would dream of a majestic house;

a house with a luxurious living room…

a grandiose staircase…

a magnificent dining area…

an elegant chandelier….

a towering balcony….

But my dreams don’t have powers,

So, i didn’t get a majestic house;

but a wonderful home….

with joyful kids welcoming in our living room….

with cheerful girls running back and forth our stairs…

with visitors admiringly looking at our chandelier…

with relatives enjoying the afternoon view in our balcony…

If my dreams have powers,

I would dream of a perfect world;

where true friends are by your side in moments of sadness…

where neighbors are stronger and wiser….

where love is an act of surrendering to another person…

But my dreams don’t have powers,

So I have friends who are by my side in happy times,

because their joy is to see me delighted….

I have neighbors who are vulnerable because they have confidence in

themselves, and at some point they know we all stumble…

and  we love because we have faith in another person…

If my dreams have powers,

i would dream to believe that inner beauty matters most,

than outer beauty….

i would believe that friends maintain an open door…

i would believe that people are disciplined and organized…

But my dreams don’t have powers,

so i believe that outer beauty is inner beauty seen by the naked eye…

i believe that friends should only be interested in opening one door,

the door to my heart……

and i believe discipline is necessary but we have to be spontaneous

and enthusiastic, it makes us live life perfectly…

P.S

So…. you see….an idea of a perfect life in a perfect world is basically attainable…you just have to change the way you view your on life….you can live a perfect life in a perfect world with perfect people around you; or you can live a miserable life always wanting for something you know you can never have…the choice is yours…

Live a perfect life!!!!!…it isn’t that hard after all…..Good luck…

Paulo Coelho

Paolo Coelho is such a brilliant writer. So brilliant that i actually realized i have journeyed along with him through his novels… They say a writer never runs out of idea. But last night,… for a while I thought i did. It was terrible, having the flu, the colds…..i couldn’t think of something worthy writing. I came across an old notebook in which i have written some of the titles of the books I’ve read and have made an impact in my life…and that’s it!…I just got an idea….Thanks so much Paolo.. you are truly an inspiration..

Santiago was a young boy

in 1988 you created him in Alchemist.

i was in my ponytails and pigtails,

in 1988 a little girl so clueless.

twenty years after,

i met Santiago by dinner.

he said when you want something,

all the universe conspires in helping.

Along came Brida,

in 1990 you made.

a beautiful gypsy girl

whose quest for knowledge is amazing.

i was a growing to be like her,

in 1990 a high school teenage girl.

she said seek for the truth

never be scared for what have been sought.

You ventured to the Mojave desert,

in 1992 to find the Valkyries who assert

that finding your guardian angel

you need them badly for help.

1992  was the year to say

you realized trudging the desert is a dismay.

I was walking through another space

like you in the dessert i race.

By the river Piedra you placed

two lovers in such a maze.

In 1994 you proved that love

is indeed like a flying dove.

cage it and it will scream to death,

but let it go and it will fly back with great faith.

I was searching for the same passion

yet i let go and move on with fashion.

Elijah an obedient angel in 1997,

you created with pride and great sense.

You proved once more that obedience,

is such a value forgotten with negligence.

I entered college as freshman,

in an academe where there was no man,

to focus on my dreams

and be like Elijah on the Fifth Mountain.

In 1997 Veronica decides to die,

a perfect lady who commits suicide.

Confided in an asylum for a while,

she sees the whole world in a different style.

I was a young mother then, I tangled,

caring and nurturing as I struggled.

I see the world different as it used to be,

with a baby at hand i disregard being me.

In 2000 the Devil meets Ms. Prym,

taking responsibilities and actions in rhyme.

She said our conduct is a matter of control and choice,

indeed as I battle with my own evil’s choice.

I made things right by then,

fulfilling my dreams is what i mean.

Truly we battle everyday in life,

between good and evil we continue to strife.

Maria in 2003 was born

in Eleven Minutes you’ve shown,

true love is  being with someone

without possessing no one.

I was already focused and stable

with my family complete on the table.

It might take eleven minutes to stop,

and proclaim your live on top.

The Witch of Portobello in 2006 came to being,

searching for one true self in the beginning.

She said opening up to the energies of the world,

is one thing we should withstand and behold.

I have matured and become successful,

but continues to reach out to fulfill

a life of stability and contentment,

lies in opening oneself and atonement.

Indeed the Winner Stands Alone,

in 2008 you created in tone.

With the rise of the super class,

born Ewa, Igor, and Hamid who falls.

I was torn between work and family,

choosing the latter made life lovely.

As  Igor, Ewa and Hamid fell defeated,

I stood triumphantly even when I’m seated.

2010 came, Aleph you discovered,

a point where the whole universe is contained.

Hilal you met and converse,

in Aleph your only universe.

I have found my Aleph too,

in the arms of the one who truly knew,

in sickness and in health indeed,

true love once the world forbid.

P.s.

You see, sometimes we read purposely only to be amazed…..little did we realize that we read what we read and we love the writers we love because at some point, our lives have met….our energies have been pulled together….our minds have been on the same level… and our paths have crossed (believe me we all did…in time…)

Shopping Spree

When others travel abroad they are excited about seeing new places…eating new dishes…experiencing new adventures…meeting new people…learning new languages…. (my list could actually go a long long way..) BUT ME? when I travel abroad..(which I always do with my family) I am excited about only one thing…SHOPPING…

a hundred colored choices

filling my sight in a glimpse;

so delicate, so soft, so elegant

touching you is what I want;

intricately and perfectly laid

choosing is difficult indeed.

I could pick one anyway

knowing you makes me wanna stay;

so close, so smooth, so sweet

touching makes me fall off my feet;

sophisticated and enchanted you are made

making up my mind as I persuade.

should it be the one I adore?

or just bear what my desire could be.

somehow, someway I need to pick

my heart bleeds feeling like I prick;

my mind is truly torn

deciding makes me forlorn.

I can’t make up and decide

seeing furious faces as they hide;

annoyed by million years undecided

messing up everything offered;

by angry ladies as they plea

from fickle-minded shoppers like me.

p.s.

I admit the general rule that every poet is a fool, but I guess every fool is not a poet….you see I would be a fool if I will not say there’s no other way to enjoy traveling than shopping; especially if your pocket is filled with an extra bunch of cash…(that is..if you have..) well I guess you wouldn’t dare travel if in the first place you barely have ….or can you? .. would you?…

Mirthless Muse

I saw a lady. She’s got the looks. Shes’ got the clothes. She’s got the attitude. She’s got the style. Something is hidden; she covers it with a smile.  …nobody cares… no one sees inside…no one sees her tears…no one understands…nobody will ever see…Here’s for you….beautiful mirthless muse…

The flowers move as you sway;

the wind catches you to stay.

The bees trace your track;

trying to catch you back.

Your lovely that’s what they say;

your smile brightens their day.

Your scent makes them shiver;

as you walk down and ponder.

One day the flowers move no more;

the wind stood still colder.

The bees lose your track;

they don’t want you back.

You were sad and lonely;

your smile makes their day cloudy.

Your scent makes them grieve;

as you sat in deep bereave.

Maybe the gods cursed you today;

no, a hesitant bee says.

Maybe the devil works its way;

to make you a forlorn lady.

P.S

It’s not easy to live life sometimes and face the world with a smile. It takes a lot of courage to reach down inside yourself…BELIEVE….there’s always a rainbow after the rain and that, as every day went by you will realize that LIFE as it is, is already the RAINBOW…the biggest silver lining of all…..You see, it’s up to you…Good luck!!!….may you find the biggest silver lining your searching…….

The “in betweens”

I am a million miles away from home. The distance is suffocating…deafening…exhilarating…this is nothing compared to the distance we’ve created even if we’re not a million miles apart; the distance between our families…our friends…our siblings…our in-laws..our neighbors…and often times the distance between the very person we claimed we love the most. Yes! This is the distance that we cannot measure..we cannot touch…we cannot see…BUT we can always bridge the gap…find a way..open an avenue…and maybe, yes, just maybe see a clearer view…

Between heaven and earth;
a story is unearthed.
Between past and present;
a sailing is sent.
Between here and there;
a distance is clear.
Between a moment and forever;
a struggle so clear.

Sometimes heaven and earth met;
when a story is broken and lit.
Sometimes past and present collide;
when the sailing subside.
Sometimes here and it is near;
when the view is clearer.
Sometimes a moment and forever in eternity;
when the struggles become infinity.

So move heaven and earth boldly;
for your story to be told oddly.
So hold the past and present sincerely;
for your sailing to be done completely.
So break the here and there completely;
for your distance to be moved effortlessly.
So create a moment and forever lovingly;
for your struggles to be over definitely.

P.S
you see… it’s not that bad after all… it’s not even that hard…so find a way …fill in that hollows you’ve created..who knows it might be just the only way to complete the empty YOU…i just did…try it…