Goodbyes

I can’t think of a better way to discuss this anxious feeling than in long ranting…..(if this is a rant)…let me say for the record that i am not in any way sad, lonely or troubled. 

Lately i have been witnessing so many deaths within our circle of friends. 

My father died….i never even had the chance to say goodbye.

My brother died…i never even had the chance to say goodbye too.

My father – in – law died…that time i was there beside him…..Ahhhh the irony of life…

Goodbyes are as much as part of our lives as the seasons of the year.  The story of gain and loss, of joy and sorrow, of life and death, of union and separation, is inside each of us.  The cycle begins at birth when we were broken loose from our mother’s womb. The cycle continues throughout our lives. 

Whoever has not said farewell to someone and felt a great heartache and a deep sadness, wanting to stop the process and wondering when the ache inside would ever leave?  Many years ago i remembered saying goodbye to my father who came to visit us. …that last little space when an onrush of sadness suddenly wells up and causes a great inadequacy of expression.  Dad turned and hugged me. Then he looked at me with a tear prompting to drop in his eyes and painfully said..” i will miss you..”…..It was his last goodbye.

Do we ever get used to saying goodbye? Or should we? I think not. Saying goodbye helps us to experience the depths of our human condition. It leads us to a much deeper understanding of what it means to live life in its mystery and wholeness. we ought not to be afraid of partings that life asks of us.  Nor ought we have to hold back in giving ourselves fully to love, to the wonderful growth opportunities of investing ourselves in people and events.

       days are long,

      weeks pass by…

     clock ticks faster…

     this time ever…

      goodbye, we say..

      with hope someday soon

      we’ll meet ever again…..

P.S  a random rant about parting…ranting for no particular reason… 

Attempt

Trembling voice muttered in pieces

frozen words screamingly- sealed;

tongue – tied feelings suppressed

yet a strength’s surging..

whispering unto thyself…

glorified thy heart…

yearning to glow…

defiant thy faith, affirmed thy attempt,

to give justice thy affectionate feeling – 

to love eternally, EVEN!

how much longer

how much of yesterday is to be forgotten

for our today to be given?

twas yesterday when you joyously told

that today you will be better as you old.

when yesterday was just a reflection

of your life in meditation

a yesterday filled with hope,

that today will be in better scope.

how much of yesterday is to be treasured

for our today to be remembered?

twas yesterday when you playfully said

that today you’ll never be lonely and sad.

when yesterday was a memory

for our today to be lived fully.

a yesterday charged with a story

that today you will never be sorry.

a yesterday lived in today

for tomorrow is far at bay.

P.S.

we cannot change the past, but we can always live today with memories of the past for a beautiful tomorrow.

nothing

Nothing really matters

as how love grows.

a story is once told

of a man and a woman

as it has foretold.

they met in mid September

so cold and sober.

a future of him and her

together

despite of the barrier

as ever.

they love like no other love

a love sweet and bitter.

they sing song as one

in harmony and tone

over an ice cream in a cone.

they kissed a kiss so passionate

it put the world in stagnate

they dream of the same dream

of a blissful life in stream

of love in greatest realm.

a story of him and her

and much more and forever.

P.S. 

this one goes to a friend who loved so dear as ever.

And so I love you

As i woke up without you

I did not know what to do

i lost the smile far more

cos i long for you so sure.

when i remember you by

 i wish i could fly

so i could be where you are

even we’re thousand miles apart.

As i walk on the street

i can see my heart dimly lit

for you my love, isn’t with me

and i much miss thee.

whenever i drive the car home

i long to hear your voice even on the phone

to hear your sweet i love

that i would answer with a shy i love you too.

as  i work on my table late at night

i imagine you hugging me so tight

but for now, i know, it would still not come true

and that reality makes me feel so blue.

later as i will go to sleep

i will still have the pain of missing you so deep

i dread the feeling of lying down on my bed alone

and all i want you is to be with me and be home.

P.S.  a father’s day thought to the one i really love…

Thoughtfully

 

I slowly turned the lights

off…

A dwindling gesture of joy creeps in

A voice resounding within.

A desire is so strong to manifest.

I lie down in bed…

A hole appears from somewhere

In the middle of nowhere…

Taking my breath away.

I slowly close my eyes…

A view appears up there

Of a future farther…

Of myself steadier.

And I intensely breathe in…

Taking much more of reality

that…

the voice yells differently,

the hole leads to uncertainty,

the view tells insanity…

that…

one day my voice will be heard,

the hole won’t be empty,

and the view will be a sight…

a beautiful sight of what’s

within the real me.

 

P.S. a moment of coffee and me; a moment of peaceful solitude

It is POSSIBLE!

Spark from afar

It is possible to stay strong even if all the people are displaying their weaknesses.
It is possible to be so hopeful even if all that surround you are hopeless.
It is possible to keep calm when everyone else is in panic.
It is possible to believe when they are all doubting.
It is possible to forgive when it’s “valid” not to.
It is possible to extend grace even if your pride says no.
It is possible to stand again even if you were wounded countless times.
It is possible not to say hurtful words even if the situation prompts you so.
It is possible to advance even if everyone else retreated.
It is possible to bless even if all others are cursing.
It is possible to remain faithful, even if they all forgot.
It is possible to keep on loving even if you feel it’s not being returned.
It…

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I Miss YOU More

Oblivious of the time

and around;

I longed for your

hold so tight.

Your hold that keeps my steady

gaze in place;

your hold that once made a

better me.

Incognizant of how i felt

wanting how much of you

i can take.

I never imagined it would be

this dark without you,

the darkness that seemed to

topple down my soul

the darkness i once ignored

for you are there

holding closely as i fear.

It seems just a while,

but no, it’s really been a long while,

a really long while

since you walked away

unnoticed

It numbed my mind;

froze my heart.

I can’t take you out of

my life.

I need to touch you again.

I need to hold you close in

my arms.

I miss you that’s what

I wanna say.

I love you, I want you

to stay.

It’s been four years DAD!

Four years and I am mad..

‘cos i can’t have you back.

P.S.

In memory of my dad who passed away fours years ago.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY DAD!!!