My Saga on my awareness campaign against Violence continuous as i explore the possible reasons why abused women chose to stay in an abusive relationship.
Over a cup of coffee, i relentlessly write with my heart bleeding remembering each and every victim of violence out there.
you are poised and elegant
they admire you for that
you speak of love and compassion
they adore you for that
underneath it all
is a soul crumbling and struggling
your smile is contagious
they like you for that
you are charming and inspiring
they emulate you for that
underneath it all
are million pieces of forgotten dreams and broken promises
you are everything
but a silent victim
in a beautiful shadow of living
Written for calmkate’s Friday fun -Contadictions
Friday Fun – contradiction
The contradictions in the life of an abused woman. Hiding the pains, the agonies and the traumas; in between smiles and hellos and coping up and not breaking down.
Some may have questioned the sanity of an abused woman who tried to stay in a relationship despite of the violence she is experiencing.
In 2014 NFL linebacker Ray Rice knocked his fiancée Janay Palmer unconscious in an elevator. He was then accused of domestic violence and suspended for two games. After a few weeks, he was formally charged, but to the surprise of everybody he and Palmer were married the next day.
There was a security video of the event that surfaced, and quickly went viral.
Janay Palmer was knocked down and dragged out of the elevator by Rice.
Plot twist, Janay Palmer, the beaten knocked and dragged fiance, spoke out in defense of her then husband. In a press conference she apologized and said: “I deeply regret the role I played that night”.
She posted on instagram “Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is,” and asked everybody to stop judging her husband.
This triggered the public’s view over abused women. The public could not understand how Palmer could be standing by her man.
People began to question her sanity, innocence, and motives.
Why would she stay with him, let alone defend Rice who had knocked her unconscious? What was wrong with Janay Palmer that she would do this?
Why can’t an abused victim simply walk away?
According to Jason B. Whiting, PhD, LMFT is a Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at Texas Tech University there are 8 reasons why an abused victim choose to stay.
1. Distorted Thoughts.
Being controlled and hurt is traumatizing, and this leads to confusion, doubts, and even self-blame. Perpetrators harass and accuse victims, which wears them down and causes despair and guilt.
2. Damaged Self-Worth.
Related was the damage to the self that is the result of degrading treatment. Many women felt beaten down and of no value.
The threat of bodily and emotional harm is powerful, and abusers use this to control and keep women trapped.
4. Wanting to be a Savior.
Many described a desire to help, or love their partners with the hopes that they could change them.
These women also put their children first, sacrificing their own safety.
6. Family Expectations and Experiences.
Many posted descriptions of how past experiences with violence distorted their sense of self or of healthy relationships.
7. Financial Constraints.
Many referred to financial limitations, and these were often connected to caring for children.
A common tactic of manipulative partners is to separate their victim from family and friends.
Source: Institute for Family Studies. Retrieved from https://ifstudies.org/blog/eight-reasons-women-stay-in-abusive-relationships
Posted in support of Perak Women for Women Society
The PWW Centre
15 Market Street
Tel : 05-2469715
The Reasons mentioned above are just few of the many possible reasons there could be for staying in an abusive relationship.
So, if you are a victim and are afraid to speak up feel free to provide me with your comment below. I guarantee you that I will protect your privacy.
LET’S TALK; It may HELP you!!!