It’s True

It’s True

i’ve heard it a million times

i couldn’t possibly be wrong

it keeps spinning back and forth

in my head 

in my heart

in my being.

i knew it, i couldn’t be wrong

don’t tell me i’m goin’ crazy

it keeps coming back and forth

why doesn’t the phone ring stop?

i’ve pressed all buttons.

no, i’m not delusional

no, i’m not crazy

no, i’m not paranoid

how dare you call me one

in names, i am not

i’ve heard it and i knew it to be true.

you’ve insisted it’s me being paranoid

nothing’s happening

nothing’s wrong

with the phone

or the surroundings

or the people around.

so you took your hands off me

after all, how could you possibly

be with someone whose

like me.

but really, it’s true

why doesn’t the phone ring stop?

i’ve pressed all buttons

it’s happening

you refused to believe

just as you refuse

to see where 

i am coming from 

in my agony. 

Gaslighting has become the latest emotional abuse trend. I wanted to call it a trend because I had never heard about it before.

Gaslighting, according to the dictionary, is to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. Sounds terrible, right? But this happens to many; some don’t know their partners are gaslighting them. Unfortunately, the one gaslighting you may not also be aware of their behavior, and if they are, they refuse to believe. 

In relationships, an abusive person may use gaslighting to isolate their partner, undermine their confidence, and make them easier to control. For example, they might tell someone they are irrational until the person starts to think it must be true. Sounds familiar?

Here is an interesting article about gaslighting that might help you process or deal with the abuse and hopefully quickly leave the situation. (https://www.healthline.com/health/gaslighting)

Someone who’s gaslighting might:

  • insist you said or did things you know you didn’t do
  • deny or scoff at your recollection of events
  • call you “too sensitive” or “crazy” when you express your needs or concerns
  • express doubts to others about your feelings, behavior, and state of mind
  • twisting or retelling events to shift blame to you
  • insist they’re right and refuse to consider facts or your perspective

Signs you’ve experienced gaslighting

Experiencing gaslighting can leave you second-guessing yourself constantly, not to mention overwhelmed, confused, and uncertain about your ability to make decisions on your own.

Other key signs you’re experiencing gaslighting include:

  • an urge to apologize all the time
  • believing you can’t do anything right
  • frequent feelings of nervousness, anxiety, or worry
  • a loss of confidence
  • constantly wondering if you’re too sensitive
  • feeling disconnected from your sense of self, as if you’re losing your identity
  • believing you’re to blame when things go wrong
  • a persistent sense that something isn’t right, though you can’t identify exactly what’s wrong
  • a lingering sense of hopelessness, frustration, or emotional numbness

These feelings tend to come from what the other person says or implies about your behavior. For example:

  • “You seem so confused lately, and you keep forgetting things. I’m getting a little worried.”
  • “You know I wouldn’t say these things if I didn’t care, right?”

This mask of concern can leave you even more convinced there’s something “wrong” with you.

Gaslighting can also show up as changes in your behavior. You might find yourself:

  • making choices to please others instead of yourself
  • frequently questioning whether you said the right thing or made the right choice
  • making excuses for the person gaslighting you to family and friends
  • lying or isolating yourself from loved ones to avoid conflict
  • constantly reviewing your words and actions to make sure you’ve done everything “right”
  • spending little or no time on the activities or hobbies you used to enjoy

Why do people do it

According to Stern, people often gaslight because being right allows them to validate themselves. When gaslighters feel threatened, they need you to believe and support their version of events in order to maintain their sense of power and control.

Gaslighting can also happen when someone believes their narrative is more valid than someone else’s, says Ana De La Cruz, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida.

Persuading someone else to question their own reality, then, can leave them with a sense of superiority, De La Cruz explains.

It’s a Line Prompt this week.

“Why doesn’t the phone ring stop? I’ve pressed all buttons.”

I’ll Probably Die (inside the mind of a trauma victim)

I’ll Probably Die (inside the mind of a trauma victim)

let’s go inside the mind and heart of someone who has gone through so much in life. come join me.

“i’ll probably die; maybe
don’t freak out”

i’ll probably die, so don’t freak out or cry. don’t be sad. don’t grieve or wallow. just let me go. set my soul free and let me fly higher ’till heaven. it is where i wanna be; heaven. i only hope God will open His gate for me. oh, yeah, that’s it; pray that i’d be in heaven. i so wanna be there. they say heaven is our eternal home and resting place, and i so wanna have my final rest. it’s just got so hard, and i am tired. so set me free. free to fly. free to roam. free to rest. don’t cry. i seriously need to rest.

don’t think for once that i am leaving you. i am not. i will be around. you will see me. you will feel me. you will hear me. i just need to go. find my resting place. and i know this is not from where i am now. i am just tired. my body can’t take the pain anymore. just let me go. let me go with a smile.

i promise i will never leave you behind. for each time the sun rises, i will be among its vibrant yellow sun rays kissing your checks “good morning.” i will be the aromatic smell of your morning coffee. i will the soft morning breeze as you open your car driving through your work. i will be your Spotify song accompanying you on a long drive or in a back-bending traffic jam.

i promise i will just be beside you whenever and wherever you are.

and oh, before i go, please don’t think that i am leaving you deliberately. no, i don’t. i just can’t stay anymore. my body is so tired that getting by each day is daunting. i just can’t go on anymore. i wanted to, but i knew it was time to give up the fight. it’s been a long time. i deserve to rest.

i have been keeping my composure for so long that i didn’t realize it has broken down my whole being. and it’s not fair anymore.

i am leaving. with the birds in the sky. with the leaves falling. with the clouds soaring. with the rainbow. oh, yes, with the rainbow in heaven. maybe then my life will have its color.

i’ll go, but i will always love you from wherever God may put me to be.

Tina (After Rain Skies, 2nd ed.)

poetrybymich 🙏💛💫  happy and blessed Sunday dear friends and poets. Thank you for making my 6th book #1Amazon best seller.🙏🙏


Below is the story of Tina from “After Rain Skies”

When we trust a friend, we have confidence in them and their honesty and integrity. We believe that they will do the things they say they will. We recognize their abilities and strengths, and we place our faith in them.

Tina at 18 learned the heartbreaking truth behind “trusting a friend” when she said “yes” three times.

She left school premises rather later than usual, and thereupon the highway, she was met by her long-time neighbor and childhood friend; the son of a very dear family friend. He offered her a ride, a ride to her dormitory.

It was already late, it was dark and the traffic in the city was indescribable. So, she said yes. And why not? They have been neighbors and friends for as far as she could remember. Their families were both best friends with each other.

 So yeah, she said yes.

 Ten minutes on the road and he said, they will need to do a quick stopover at his friend’s apartment (apparently to pick up some school documents).

Again she said yes.

And, again why not?

💔 you won’t believe what happened next….read the full story of Tina in “After Rain Skies”, and other inspiring stories of abuse and violence💔

Alley

poetrybymich 💥💫💛  “After Rain Skies” is now available for pre – order as ebook copy via  Kobo.Com

Link in my bio or you can just click this:https://www.kobo.com/ph/en/ebook/after-rain-skies-second-edition

Kindle file and paperback copy will be available via Amazon.

Alley

i am alone in this dark alley
muted, my soul will be
i run for refuge, no hand to hold in a crowd so huge,
i can’t find my way
every door bolted
so tight, leaving no air to breathe
i am desperate and drenched in hate
why am i alone?
oh, life, why have you treated me so kind
yet beaten me so hard?

i can taste the void, and it blankets over me
so I write to find a cure
so someone might know i exist
but the words don’t work
that dark alley is still the only place to be
muted
why am i alone?
oh, life, why have you treated me so kind
yet beaten me so hard?
i have been crying in despair.
i have been weeping in agony
i wonder if someone will hear me
if you read this will, you find me?

For Reenas Exploration Challenge:

“Life is a mountain. Your goal is to find your path, not to reach the top.” Maxime Lagace

P.S  “After Rain Skies – Second Edition” – a portion of my royalty fee for this book will go to Perak Women for Women Society. An NGO that helps and supports victims of abuse and violence. Your purchase of the book will help a woman in need of shelter, suport and therapy.

After Rain Skies (ebook available for pre -order)

poetrybymich 💥💫💛  “After Rain Skies” is now available for pre – order as ebook copy via  Kobo.Com
Link in my bio or you can just click this:https://www.kobo.com/ph/en/ebook/after-rain-skies-second-edition

Kindle file and paperback copy will be available via Amazon -March 8, 2022

“After Rain Skies (second edition)” is a compilation of true and inspiring stories of abuse and violence in prose and poetry. This edition will open our minds and hearts to the heartbreaking realities of the culture of sexual abuse, happening to women all over the world. This may even surprise you, as I ventured out into exposing stories of perpetrators who are kind, smart and successful –not your usual “bad kind of guy”.  Which leads me to say, not all who is good and kind is righteous and compassionate. Sometimes, evil just lurk around waiting for the time to be unleashed. Sometime too, the face of an evil is “beautiful”, not your usual “evil kind of guy – with burning red eyes face”. So, girls watch out. Evil could be just around, sitting right next to you camouflaging as your best friend, your uncle, your classmate, your neighbor or worst your supposed “beloved”. The stories in this edition will help girls and women to spot possible perpetrators and to see the possible “red flags” at any given situation.

Sexual abuse was the only form of violence I refused to include in the first book. Why? Listening to my subjects’ telling their stories was heartbreaking. It broke me, honestly. I couldn’t find the courage to write it then, because writing it and retelling their stories would mean going through the broken feeling again. So, I chose not to write. I chose not to include it. I wasn’t prepared.

P.S  “After Rain Skies – Second Edition” – a portion of my royalty fee for this book will go to Perak Women for Women Society. An NGO that helps and supports victims of abuse and violence. Your purchase of the book will help a woman in need of shelter, suport and therapy.

Quiet Death

Quiet Death

i stared into vacancy
seeing nothing
feeling nothing
there was numbness
a complete loss of sensation
i was breathing rapidly
sweating, trembling
feeling weak

i drank myself into oblivion
unaware of what’s happening
unconscious of what’s goin’ on
there was silence
i was agonizing
it was heart – wrenching
harrowing, racking

then there goes my quiet death

P.S

My book “After Rain Skies – second edition” (a compilation of true and inspiring stories of abuse and violence in prose and poetry) will be out March 8, 2022.

😔💔Women have the right to live free from violence. Let your voice be heard

Join me and the rest of the world in spreading awareness and putting an end to the culture of abuse and violence

Silent War (After Rain Skies, Second Edition)

Silent War

No one doubts that you’re in pain when you’re walking around bleeding. You’re lucky, if someone believes you’re hurt, without you having to forcibly cut off an arm.

Naira was fine. She was perfect. There wasn’t a scratch on her. She was just about to throw herself off the top of a high-rise, that was all. And what was so special about that?

Everyone had problems. Anyone who thought their problems deserved attention just wasn’t trying hard enough to solve them. Right?

War was hard. Poverty was hard. Going out to break you’re back trying to make money was hard. But when war is at the doorstep, what do you expect to do?” Stand still and be quiet?

Marriage? You couldn’t possibly be complaining about being married. You wanted to be married, didn’t you? Learning your partner’s personality, his tendencies, his flaws. That was your responsibility, wasn’t it?

No one asks for international tensions. No one leaves his mother’s womb asking Allah to make him poor. But you, you made a choice, gave a vow. It was a commitment no one forced you into. You deal with it.

He never even hit you. Why are you unhappy? Others have it worse, Naira. Other women get new bruises every day. Do you see them leaving their husbands? That’s right.

You deal with the yelling. And the things he says. In front of your parents, in front of your brothers and sisters, in front of your co-workers. What was the worst they could do anyway? They were just words.

See, you’re fine. Naira, you’re perfect. Not a scratch on you. In all of ten years, not a bruise on you. And—

You’re tired. And that’s okay. You did everything you could.

It’s time to make yourself well.

All relationships lie somewhere in the middle of healthy and unhealthy at any given time. That’s why it’s important to identify the patterns and behaviors of our own relationships. Because relationships that visit the unhealthy area one too many instances tend to like to stay there.

For Reena’s

“After Rain Skies” (a compilation of true and inspiring stories of abuse and violence) will be out in all platforms worldwide on MARCH 8, 2022.

After Rain Skies (second edition)

poetrybymich 🥺Women have the right to live free from violence. Let your voice be heard

💛After Rain Skies (second edition) – Releasing March 8, 2022) 💛

Kayla would have been just a manufactured memory to her family, friends, and children, had she not taken the courage to walk away from her abusive husband.

 She found out she could leave only after he tried to kill her.

Let there be no more Kayla, let every woman live a life they deserve.

Together let us join the rest of the world in celebrating the hero in every woman, this MARCH 2022

Yes! There’s no place for complacency.

 Sadly though none of us will probably witness the end of the culture of violence in our lifetimes, and nor likely will many of our children.

 But, we can all play a part.

Women have the right to live free from violence.

Let your voice be heard

Child

A child who has experienced complex trauma will have difficulty identifying, expressing, and managing emotions.

Child

i am a child of lies
and compromises
of insults
and agonizing cries
of concealed truths
and broken promises

i am a sole witness
to how a once supposed
great love story
turned into
a disgusting
and spiteful relationship

For Reena’s Exploration Challenge https://reinventionsreena.wordpress.com/2022/02/17/reenas-xploration-challenge-218/

When You Knocked Me Off The Wall

when you knocked me off the wall,
you left me begging. begging for a chance.
a chance to kindness, compassion, and love. but you walked away,
in your great Gatsby-style swag.
as if nothing happened.
no harm was done.

you left me bleeding.
my heart bled for the future
my soul cried for the trust

when you knocked me off the wall,
you took away, away all the good in me,
the best in me.
except for one thing.
one thing.

my strength.

for when you knocked me off the wall,
I swear you’ll never have me
nor will you ever have the power
over me.

when you knocked me off the wall,
I was hurt.
I was scared.

I agonized.

but I took the courage
and said no, no, to your
outrageous
crazy way
of getting what you want