blogging – michnavs

Everything Will Be Fine

Everything Will Be Fine

even though its hard to do
i confront my fears
with faith in my heart
with fire in my soul

i possess the courage
i have the strength
to bring another life
healthy in this world

i am strong and healthy
i trust in the wisdom
of my body to be
a safe place

i can do all the impossible
I’ve survived all the worst
i am strong
i will be fine

just breathe.

For Eugi’s https://amanpan.com/eugis-weekly-prompt-affirmations-january-18-2022/

P.S.

As I continue to explore writing issues and topics that are mostly taboo; like “miscarriage” I opted to write an affirmation poem for mothers who have silently lost thier babies during the course of pregnancy.

Positive affirmation will hopefully help them heal.

Miscarriage is a traumatic event which affects every woman differently, but can lead to grief, anxiety, depression, and even symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Some women chose to speak up and share. Some opted to keep silent and continue with their lives. And it might surprise us, but some have actually become a highly functional empowered woman. And some believed (even the mother herself) that she moved on with the trauma. Little do we know that they are actually the ones agonizing the most. When the lights, the glamour, the demands of work are over their world will fall apart. And the cycle just continues for them.

Little Bleep Too (A Monologue Flash Fiction)

I never realized my story would end before it could even begin.

I silently wished to make it through. I actually have been praying so hard. And, I tried to be so good too. When I was told to behave, I did. When I was told to hang on, I did. When I was told hope, I did. I prayed so hard. I behaved so well. I held on tightly. I hoped (even when hope was not an option).

I was that “little bleep” screaming silently, wanting to see the world outside. I was a witness to how love survived all odds. Oh, geez I’ve witnessed the two most annoying human beings for wanting to get rid of each other, and yet not even one of them wanted to say goodbye first. How funny and stupid could that be? But well, at the end of the day, I hear them speak of love (so much love ) for each other. I hear them talk of their future and their plans. And, the most exciting part, I hear them discuss their plans for me.

I got so excited myself too.

I can’t wait. I really can’t wait.

Until today. Someone might have pulled the plug (or is there any plug at all?) I slowly and suddenly lost control of my breathing. It became so hard to breathe. I became so dark. It became so silent. Then I heard one heartbreaking confirmation “I’m sorry, we’ve lost it” Oh, how my heartaches. Damn! I wanted to be out so bad. But hey, my heart aches for my mom who was weeping alone, alone in the corner, with no one, nobody. I cried myself too. Then I wondered how would dad feel too?

I would really want to see the world outside. Live a beautiful life. Dream a dream and make a difference.

But…

There was silence. There was total darkness.
I see nothing. I hear nothing.

P.S

This photo prompted me to write Part 2 of Little Bleep read here https://michnavs.wordpress.com/2022/01/05/little-bleep-a-monologue-flash-fiction/.

I wonder how each unborn child would be when they grow up if only they were lucky enough to make it out in this world. They could be our future best world leaders, future best scientists, future best directors, future best poets.

For women who know they’re pregnant, about 10 to 15 in 100 pregnancies (10 to 15 percent) end in miscarriage. Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester before the 12th week of pregnancy. Miscarriage in the second trimester (between 13 and 19 weeks) happens in 1 to 5 in 100 (1 to 5 percent) pregnancies.

For Sadje
https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2022/01/17/what-do-you-see-117-january-17-2022/

Words

i exhaled it all out of my suffocating lungs
i needed some space to loosen the pain
i took on the comfort of my gentle words
but i couldn’t tame them not this time

so i use the harshest expressions in a very jarring way
to pierce through every single cell your body has
so that blood will slowly trickle out each of your vein
maybe then you’ll know how much ache it was

i could think of all the bad and the worst
i could summon all that is hated and that is condemned
all the things i need just to get it through the cut
i probably want some solid-fluid air than them

i so ceased, i stopped being gentle and kind
even with the words i try to rhyme and count

for once i tell you, i’d be better when i’m good

For Reena’s Exploration Challenge # 213

https://reinventionsreena.wordpress.com/2022/01/13/reenas-xploration-challenge-213/

Indigo Sky

did i ever tell you that you are
the sunshine in my indigo sky?
the warmth in my winter nights?
the rainbow after my storm?

did i ever tell you i wanna
build my life in the comfort
of your loving, endearing arms?
in the ardor and zeal of your embrace?

baby with you beside me
is the beginning of the end
of a life full of indigo skies,
winter nights and stormy days

For Sadje’s WDYS https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2022/01/10/what-do-you-see-116-january-10th-2022/

New Chapter (A Haibun)

New Chapter (A Haibun)

A new chapter may not always mean a new beginning. Sometimes it’s just a repeat of what has been done and has been forgotten. A reminder of the awful but beautiful past we are forced to forget for our brains are genetically wired to protect our hearts from remembering what’s most painful and agonizingly tragic. But somehow, our brains may not always have the power to protect us for somewhere along the lane, down the road we trudge we are confronted by the past we deliberately tend to forget. The choice then is on us; do we make it right this time or do we just let the opportunity slip away?

life isn’t easy

new chapters can be daunting

i’ll be brave for you

https://amanpan.com/eugis-weekly-prompt-chapter-january-6-2022/

I Thank God for my Poetry

i thank God for my poetry
for my syllables my lines my verses
they are amazingly pretty
i say it with great pride and emphasis
i thank God and i can’t be petty
for it has made my life better and wondrous

new ideas and new forms are out everyday
as i keep track of the stunning world of poetry
i struggle to stay up and updated i say
or do i really need to take it all in and be hurry
my lines and my verses i write them as i play
so i’ll take it easy regardless of what’s brand new crazy

i thank God for my poetry as loved by many
even with so many claiming to be poets
even with new lines, new verses published everyday
yet i see the loyal ones coming back as my assets
they made my poet heart happy like Hemmingway

and oh, i must not forget to say
i thank God for my muse
the one i write my poetry daily
i thank God for my muse
the poetry i write, the love of my life

P. S.

My first time joining Reena’s Exploration Challenge prompt no. 212

It’s new … does it mean it’s welcome?

https://reinventionsreena.wordpress.com/2022/01/06/reenas-xploration-challenge-212/

Coffee (A 300-word story Flash Fiction)

Is it necessary that every story has a beginning and an ending? Or can I just skip to the part where I felt a terrible pain after I stumbled down the floor?

The police officer insisted I should tell the story from the beginning going through every single detail of the assault until I managed to run away and escape. But, damn! can’t they not see it? I am struggling to go into details. What do they want me to do? Experience all over again the pain, the trauma, and fear I experienced by telling the whole story; beginning to end?

How crazy can that be?

An assault is an assault, regardless of how it began, and how it ended.

I could barely recall. Now, can I just go home, or maybe will someone send me to the nearest hospital? Do they really need to see me bleeding for them to know that I am in terrible pain? What I needed more than anything else at that moment was medical care? Rather than a bullshit police investigation? And for what? Oh, they said for record purposes.

So what did I tell them?

I told them what my perpetrator said because that’s the only thing I remember. He said, “you are so charming and so pretty, and I would do anything, just anything to get my hands on you…anything, even for once.”

“And then?” The police officer wanted me to tell more

“He didn’t get his one time, and I am here to report a crime, and maybe a cup of coffee to calm me down, ‘cos right now, it feels like dying, though I know, dying may not even make me feel better”

I grabbed my things walked away, bought a coffee myself.

Hot coffee.

It calmed me, a bit.

Photo by Imani Bahati on Unsplash

Little Bleep (A Monologue Flash Fiction)

If i could scream I’d scream of little bleeps. Yes, little, tiny…that’s what I am. A small innocent “bleep” wanting to grow, wanting to survive and wishing to see the world outside.

From where I am is pure darkness. But I love it here. It’s warm and cozy. It feels so good just to be hovering wiggling around, so comfortable. I love it here, really. Oh, except when I hear loud thunderous screaming, yelling, shouting. I wanted it to stop. For each yelling feels like I’m dying. It has been like this for a while and it’s getting louder each day. I must say, today was the worst. Each loud scream was synonymous to a painful sharp cry.

I wonder when will this ever end.

Will I even make it out alive?

Please mom hang on there, we’ll make it together. I promise I’ll be your most loving little bleep ever.

And oh, dad…yes dad I can’t wait to see you. I only hear stories of you from mom. Those sweet lovely stories she’d tell me everynight. In between her sobs. Oh, I could feel how much she misses you.

So dear Lord I hope the thunder stops. I hope it ends soon. I fear I won’t make it out.

Mom, dad….please hang on guys, little bleep will be out soon. We’ll be together I promise.

Silent Scream {a flash fiction}

“and what about the damage it caused me, I have to live with it my whole life?” This is what I would want to say. But no! I chose not to speak. I chose not to say a word. For what good would it bring if I speak when no one listens? No one understands? So, calmly, I gather myself up and take it from the start. From the bottom; me and my silent screams. I’m better off that way.

People believed you are in pain only when they see you bleeding. But not all pains have been cinematic and melodramatic.

It’s the silent scream that’s most painful of all.

And that’s why sometimes i wonder “can i just trade life with this little cute furry kitten, enjoying life with no complications?….just for once… for once…because i am really tired… ‘nakakapagod na’ [it’s tiring]”

I just need a moment to rest.

I am tired.

for Sadje’s WDY
https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2022/01/03/what-do-you-see-115-january-3-2022/

Have You Seen the Butterflies Dancing? (Spoken poetry)

Have You Seen the Butterflies Dancing?

have you seen the butterflies dancing?
how their brightly unique colored wings create a perfect hue to accompany the aromatic spring air?
as colors blending, and swirling and the playful flower garden waits in great anticipation?
I haven’t.
But I, sure have seen your eyes dance in harmony with nature, glowing as brightly as the sun on a hot summer day
I’ ve seen that.
I’ve seen that dance in your eyes, that blissful afternoon, you looked at me with great admiration
perhaps, that was love
perhaps love

have you felt the feel of a snowflake trickle down your nose?
how it melts and turns into water as soon as it touches your skin?
its cool light and dry powdered feel?
I haven’t.
But I sure felt, that same cool touch
when you by chance, touched me by the face as we were exiting a full packed crowded place
I’ve felt that.
I felt your palm, so cold, so freezzing cold
perhaps, that was love
perhaps love

have you smelled the scent of a hyacinth flower?
with its intense green spring scent developing, buidling stronger as the flower blooms?
as a tight bud, with its scent lightly, ethereally floral, then opening up a gracious potent and intoxicating smell
I haven’t.
But I sure smelled that kind of scent in you
everytime you reach for my hand in a group
everytime you call my name for an afternoon chat, or a quick bench nap
I smelled that.
I smelled your intoxicating smell
perhaps, that was love
perhaps love

have you seen the butterflies dancing?
have you felt the feel of a snowflake trickle down your nose?
have you smelled the scent of a hyacinth flower?

yes I did
my memories of you
my memories of love
perhaps love