Stars Fled from Your Eyes

 

Stars Fled from Your Eyes

 

stars fled from your eyes

and the shadow of death
cast upon your face
on this dark gloomy night
filled with goodbyes
and unending sighs
of a once-promising life

stars fled from your eyes
and you stop dreaming
of what could have been’s
and what if’s
a future you may never see
for it has become so bleak
and gloomy

stars fled from your eyes
and it may never come back
unless you take the courage
to speak up
seek for help
and maybe, just maybe
start anew

stars fled from your eyes, but you’re not done yet

 

Things that break on earth don’t reach the clouds above us. Burning villages don’t change the schedule of sunsets. And stars remain stars, no matter how much land we destroy.

But when the sky loses all of its lights and unleashes a thunderstorm, everything drowns.

Erin was a vibrant, happy, and joyful woman. To her many boyfriends, all of whom mistreated her verbally and physically, she was patient. To Sufi, she was a great human being and an even better friend.

To herself, Erin was unfair.

She grew up believing she only deserved the kind of love that did nothing but hurt her. And Sufi watched her pick partner after partner that mentally burned her out and repeatedly destroyed her heart.

Still, Erin’s aspirations, inspiration, imagination, wonder, dreams, pursuits, creative brilliance, her magic, remained bright as stars on a cloudless evening, always. Until they didn’t.

Abuse is not at all clear cut. But Sufi remembered with perfect clarity when her best friend lost the sparkle in her eyes.

First, the silence. Even though marrying the love of your life should be a nervous, excited, rambunctious affair.

Then, the realization of her colleagues that Erin was living with a man who was comfortable with sending his wife to work with bruises and a black eye.

And the dark understanding of the weight of Erin having a son, and nowhere to go that felt safe enough to risk her husband following them and breaking them worse than he would if they stayed put.

Sufi suffered watching her, but all everyone that genuinely loved Erin could do was love her until she began loving herself enough to see that she too was deserving of better treatment.

It took years, and all their support, and the kind of bravery you only learn while trying to fight through a thunderstorm, but Erin gained the self-respect she needed to leave the one that was drowning her light.

Coming home should be the safest thing we ever do in this life. Where we lay our heads at night should be where monsters will not reach us. And yet, so many find themselves making homes with monsters instead.

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P.S.

More poems and stories of abuse and violence are available in my book “After – Rain Skies: A Million Stars”

Books are available for sale at

The PWW Centre
15 Market Street
30000 Ipoh
Tel : 05-2469715

https://www.facebook.com/PerakWomenforWomen/

https://www.facebook.com/1MillionStars/

 

 

You

 

You are my happy memory of the past,

The joyful moment of the present,

And the hope and promise of the future..

 

 

 

 

And so I love you

As i woke up without you

I did not know what to do

i lost the smile far more

cos i long for you so sure.

when i remember you by

 i wish i could fly

so i could be where you are

even we’re thousand miles apart.

As i walk on the street

i can see my heart dimly lit

for you my love, isn’t with me

and i much miss thee.

whenever i drive the car home

i long to hear your voice even on the phone

to hear your sweet i love

that i would answer with a shy i love you too.

as  i work on my table late at night

i imagine you hugging me so tight

but for now, i know, it would still not come true

and that reality makes me feel so blue.

later as i will go to sleep

i will still have the pain of missing you so deep

i dread the feeling of lying down on my bed alone

and all i want you is to be with me and be home.

P.S.  a father’s day thought to the one i really love…

TOUGHER

I am torn to do what

I have to.

I am saddened by how

much that would be.

A million times, a thousand moments…

I shouldn’t stopped…

I shouldn’t cried…

In those moments of gloomy days;

in those times of darkness…

I got you hold out of me.

I wanted more, I couldn’t be sure…

I wanted far, I can’t start.

A million times had passed;

A million opportunities at stake.

I chose to be numbed.

I preferred to be quiet.

I stayed humble.

I kept still.

Until then; until then..

I could stretch my wings

and fly freely…

freely in the meadows of

my so called life.

P.S.

When its tough…and everything else is tougher…all you have is a piece of paper and a cup of coffee.

Why We LOVE

The love month is over… but i wanted to share with you some of the reasons why we love….even if it may sound absurd and pathetic; i guess we all went through this …

The “playful you ” says you are in love because…

1. MENTALLY, it made you nuts. You believe that the one you love is the most beautiful and the fairest creature in this universe; the only person blessed on this earth. At some point you will say there are million of fishes in the sea; but all these millions are worm – infested and he is the only “worm – free”, and yet, for all you know, he is not even a fish; he could be a worm.

2. VISUALLY, it made you blind. You can see no one but him anywhere you go. In every garden where flower blooms; even in a tree with its branches reaching majestically for the stars; and even in the silence of the church where everybody’s head is bowed for meditation.

3. EMOTIONALLY, this is WORST. You are empty without him and complete only with him.  Your life finds meaning in his. With him beside you, the rose is redder, the birds chirpier, and God is a very nice bearded old man. When you are with him, one hour is just a second; but when he is away, one hour is almost a year. He might not be really good looking but you believe he is.

4. PHYSICALLY, what love can do.  For some inexplicable reasons his hands are completely different from all the other hands in the world; heaven is in the circle of his hands, and for all you know, it is insanity.

The “serious you ” says you are in love because…

1. Sometimes it seems like you can read each others mind, like when he calls you just as you were thinking of him, or when he knows what you’re going to say before you even say it.

2. You feel he understands you in a way no one else has and your love for him just grows stronger the more you know about him

3. You have been very honest with him reveling those things you haven’t been able to tell anyone else. You’ve always wanted to talk to someone else about how you feel yet, somehow you know, you don’t need any words at all to tell him how much you love him. P.S. here’s wishing you all that you find your one true love…

Happy Dad’s Day

We have the power…

We have grace…

We create beauty. ..

We give strength. ..

We set the pace…

We breathe life…

For all things must come to life…

Under our emerald embrace…

Maybe in life or in death…

It may not be true to all…but I am a firm believer of “we create our own destiny”….what lies ahead is basically dependent upon how we work for it…we have the power to make our dreams come true and at the same time, we also have the power to make it not happen. I say…we are living the life we have basically wished for…simply because we’ve worked so damn hard to achieve what we have at the moment. ..life is good … really really good. Life has been very kind to my family. ..we get to travel…we get to shop…we get to stay in luxurious hotels… My husband has the gift of making huge surprises…He can make simple things magical. ..he never fails to amaze us all… He is simply one great dad…happy father’s day to all dads… May you continue to hold that power in your hands…may you strive for beauty and grace…may you forever breathe life to your family. ..

Love

The happy valentines banner my daughters made for me. Each hanging hearts contains a special love message
The happy Valentine banner my daughters made for me. Each hanging hearts contains a special love message

It’s February 15…a day after Valentine’s Day…and well..again just like yesterday when I thought it would be another ordinary day…I was wrong…again I woke up with my girls running around with a personalized banner.

Let me tell you what each heart says…

…I believe in love at first sight; I love my mom the first time I opened my eyes.

…others don’t believe in heroes; they haven’t met my dad.

…”dad, I may find my prince; but you will always be my king.”

…a daughter needs a dad to stand by her the day she marries;  to love her even if she fails; to comfort her when the rain falls.

Mom:

 age 10: “I love you”

 age 14: “my mom is so annoying”

age 18: ” I wanna leave the house”

age 25: ” Mom, you were right”

age 30: “Mom, forgive me”

age 50: ” I don’t wanna lose my mom”

age 70: ” I love my mom so much”

…love your mom, you’ll never get another…

Beautiful reasons to celebrate love… as simple as that…

The hanging hearts
The hanging hearts

Love (Start the Day Right)

The beautifully decorated white roses which woke me up in the morning
The beautifully decorated white roses which woke me up in the morning

Love is such a complicated issue…thing…topic..feeling….(we may refer it that way..) But just as I thought that this Love Day could just pass by like any other ordinary day… I was wrong…

I woke up with a knock at my door…it was my eldest daughter… I thought it was just one of those moments when she would ask me..what to wear…what’s for breakfast…will you drive me to school?…will you pick me up later?…..

As I opened the door. I got a big hug from her…with a huge bunch of white roses…ahhhh..its Valentine’s Day…

My three other girls came over…with a chorus..”start the day right”….”happy Valentine’s Day Mom”…

How on earth were they able to hide from me that bunch of roses? We live in the same house after all.. and it is so early to even run to a flower shop and buy…well..that’s LOVE….love in its most simple way…

This morning was a manifestation of the fact that LOVE can never really be complicated…my children made it easier for me…

They always amazed me with their “skills” in coming up with great surprises, and yes I was really surprised..as of this writing I still can’t figure out how they kept that flower from me overnight…

Well… I guess I shouldn’t be worrying about it anymore…after all..when you love someone; you’ll find a way..and I suppose I witnessed that kind of love from my children…

 

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone…

last year's Valentine's Day my kids gave me this
last year’s Valentine’s Day my kids gave me this
the poem my little girl wrote for me last year's Valentine's Day
the poem my little girl wrote for me last year’s Valentine’s Day