i never got the chance to see you smile but i got you a name i never got to know how you would become but i know you’d be great i never got to hear you speak but i know you’d be perfect in everything you’d wanna be.
i never got to embrace you hello for i had to let you go before you even know the world outside is waiting for you but He has other plans so i just hope one day i get to see you smile i get to call you by the name i chose i get to hear you speak and give you the most endearing embrace.
one day soon in heaven we will be.
if you are a regular to my blog you would know that apart from abuse and violence i am also creating awareness on mothers/women experiencing loss of a child during pregnancy or in most common term; miscarriage. i’ve written poems about miscarriage and how women should have the much needed support during this time. we all know that miscarriage is something we don’t usually talk about and at the same time we also know that these mothers/women are hurting and grieving inside.
recently, i came across articles and stories of women experiencing ectopic pregnancies.
according to https://www.mayoclinic.org an ectopic pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg implants and grows outside the main cavity of the uterus. an ectopic pregnancy most often occurs in a fallopian tube, which carries eggs from the ovaries to the uterus. this type of ectopic pregnancy is called a tubal pregnancy.
sadly though ababy almost never survives an ectopic pregnancy. there have been extremely rare and unusual cases in which a baby has survived, but the odds are 1 to 3 million. these few cases typically happen outside the fallopian tubes in the abdominal cavity where blood supply is rich(https://lifelinepregnancyhelp.org ). these cases unknown to us many is also very heartbreaking for mothers, knowing that there is a growing child is something to celebrate and yet, at some point you have to decide whether or not to take the risk and go on with the pregnancy and let nature takes its course or do what’s suppose to be medically appropriate for both the mother and the child.
the dilemma now for the mother is : will she wait until it dissolves naturally? what if it doesn’t will she take on the suggestion of the medical experts to take on what is medically appropriate yet heartbreaking?
“If only I was spared of your madness that night, I would have breathed life to a beautiful baby.”
I remember it so well; the darkness of the night, the sound of the cricket, the soft breeze blowing, and my heart beating fast. My mind went crazy, holding on to what could be the most precious thing I would ever have.
But, I was not spared. I was not spared from your unfounded accusations, tantrums, or unsolicited advice. I carefully read your messages between my shaking hands and my trembling knees. I felt the pain growing strongly. I felt the bleeding oozing fastly.
I cried. I cried the hardest. With the last message, you sent comes the last blood down my body.
I knew then it was the end.
I was not spared, so as my sweet little angel.
I lost her.
I would welcome a new life, but I was not spared, and so was my angel.
i dream of you in the early mornings of the days when sunshine isn’t warm and clouds isn’t dim you’re playfully amazing as i knew you would be in your vague cute little face.
a vision of your smile is all that i ever have in my make believe nursery room i would have built and designed should you have victoriously made it out in this world on your ninth month.
rest now my little angel but visit me soon anytime you want and maybe then you could stay longer let me remember the vagueness of your face this time; clearer and distinct visit me in the stillness of the night.
It is time that we provide mothers/women who lost their babies through pregnancy the right amount of care and understanding. Stop shaming and blaming them. And patronizing the idea that “it happens all the time, thus it could happen to anyone”. No one knows exactly the emotional and physical pain the mother goes through this time. A little amount of understanding would go a long way. Help them heal by not being judgemental. Your critical point of view is not needed. It is your compassion.