Gaslighting has become the latest emotional abuse trend. I wanted to call it a trend because I had never heard about it before.
Gaslighting, according to the dictionary, is to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. Sounds terrible, right? But this happens to many; some don’t know their partners are gaslighting them. Unfortunately, the one gaslighting you may not also be aware of their behavior, and if they are, they refuse to believe.
In relationships, an abusive person may use gaslighting to isolate their partner, undermine their confidence, and make them easier to control. For example, they might tell someone they are irrational until the person starts to think it must be true. Sounds familiar?
insist you said or did things you know you didn’t do
deny or scoff at your recollection of events
call you “too sensitive” or “crazy” when you express your needs or concerns
express doubts to others about your feelings, behavior, and state of mind
twisting or retelling events to shift blame to you
insist they’re right and refuse to consider facts or your perspective
Signs you’ve experienced gaslighting
Experiencing gaslighting can leave you second-guessing yourself constantly, not to mention overwhelmed, confused, and uncertain about your ability to make decisions on your own.
Other key signs you’re experiencing gaslighting include:
an urge to apologize all the time
believing you can’t do anything right
frequent feelings of nervousness, anxiety, or worry
a loss of confidence
constantly wondering if you’re too sensitive
feeling disconnected from your sense of self, as if you’re losing your identity
believing you’re to blame when things go wrong
a persistent sense that something isn’t right, though you can’t identify exactly what’s wrong
a lingering sense of hopelessness, frustration, or emotional numbness
These feelings tend to come from what the other person says or implies about your behavior. For example:
“You seem so confused lately, and you keep forgetting things. I’m getting a little worried.”
“You know I wouldn’t say these things if I didn’t care, right?”
This mask of concern can leave you even more convinced there’s something “wrong” with you.
Gaslighting can also show up as changes in your behavior. You might find yourself:
making choices to please others instead of yourself
frequently questioning whether you said the right thing or made the right choice
making excuses for the person gaslighting you to family and friends
lying or isolating yourself from loved ones to avoid conflict
constantly reviewing your words and actions to make sure you’ve done everything “right”
spending little or no time on the activities or hobbies you used to enjoy
Why do people do it
According to Stern, people often gaslight because being right allows them to validate themselves. When gaslighters feel threatened, they need you to believe and support their version of events in order to maintain their sense of power and control.
Gaslighting can also happen when someone believes their narrative is more valid than someone else’s, says Ana De La Cruz, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida.
Persuading someone else to question their own reality, then, can leave them with a sense of superiority, De La Cruz explains.
It’s a Line Prompt this week.
“Why doesn’t the phone ring stop? I’ve pressed all buttons.”
i hope you remember the smell of the roasted coffee in our favorite place where millions and millions of stories from miles and miles away where connected and bridged together over a single shot americano and you with your favorite cafe latte overloaded with sugar i hope you remember how our stories made coffee time not just incredible but one hell of a kind.
i hope you remember the first coffee drive-thru we had with me over the cloud and over the moon, trying to grasp the feeling of finally being seated right next to you after years and you are speechless for the first time in your life, maybe and you can’t take your eyes off me.
i hope you remember the countless times we made our coffee cold with me over my endless out-of-this-world story-telling spree and you couldn’t stop laughing at all of my epic fails which i graciously claimed to have handled so well with pride but you’d refute it by saying, ’twas funny but humiliating.
i hope you remember how we bonded over that sweet, nutty aroma smell with me proudly proclaiming i could live with coffee and coffee alone and you looking disgusted and disappointed ‘cos you’d rather hear me say i could live with you and you alone.
i hope you remember, ‘cos i will always remember us that way the smile, the laughter, the tears, the longing, the wanting the passion, the love, and the hope for forever i will always remember us that way.
Can You Hear It?
can you hear the pitter-patter sounds
the rapid beats and taps of the ceiling
the mysterious progression as it expounds
into echoes of gunshots swiftly firing?
can you feel as it rumbles the ground
the fleet-footed batter pounding blow
the reverberating blast of noise around
underneath the clamor of the meadow?
can you see how strong and powerful it is
the never-ending sobbing and throbbing
the murmurs and mumbles that never cease
carefully, gently, slowly, and gradually hiding?
no. really? you don't hear a thing, my dear?
oh, maybe it's just my heart wishing you were here.
for David's Weekly Prompt,
I used prompt no.2 Option #2: Write a Shakespearean Sonnet using iambic pentameter (mine is with some modifications.)
It is the opposite of Deja Vu, jamais vu involves a sense of eeriness and the observer’s impression of experiencing something for the first time, despite rationally knowing that they have experienced it before. Jamais vu is sometimes associated with certain types of aphasia, amnesia, and epilepsy. Source: Wikipedia
hey there, how’s life i haven’t seen you for a while i’ve been sad, even mad, for all the crazy things in my life, i’ve watched you drift away slowly, gently, and i just let it happen is this what i really want? i ask myself i know the answer is “no” but damn! here i am again with my overbearing pride.
i miss your sweet smile and your tender cuddle on your couch in front of all not mindful what they were thinking, ‘cos all we wanna do is tell the whole world how much love has made us feel high and I miss your sweet kiss that late afternoon in March with your unassuming mommy on the look.
i miss your coffee-colored milky skin it looked so good it made me pinched you all the time i’d do anything to touch it again, right now, right here and this is me not mindful of my pride saying i regret everything i said last night ‘cos the truth is i miss you, and i miss those late afternoon cuddles and embraces on your couch with your unassuming mommy on the look.
i swear i’d run to you the moment i’m okay, ‘cos the truth is i miss you, and i miss those crazy afternoon banters we have over a cup of coffee with your favorite cookie on the side i miss you, and i miss us laughing like crazy maniacs watching our favorite t.v. show for like a million times.
this is me begging you to take me back in time when silence was our biggest scream of i love you when our days were filled with moments of sweet nothings and honeyed thoughtful words ‘cos for now, our silence feels like oblivion, feels like lost in limbo and our words cut deeper than the sharpest knife they come in rapid fire, like work tools knives lined up ready to take on the grind and i really miss you, and i miss those late afternoon cuddles and embraces on your couch with your unassuming mommy on the look.
i will be very slow in responding/commenting please bear with me. 🙏❤