Gaslighting has become the latest emotional abuse trend. I wanted to call it a trend because I had never heard about it before.
Gaslighting, according to the dictionary, is to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. Sounds terrible, right? But this happens to many; some don’t know their partners are gaslighting them. Unfortunately, the one gaslighting you may not also be aware of their behavior, and if they are, they refuse to believe.
In relationships, an abusive person may use gaslighting to isolate their partner, undermine their confidence, and make them easier to control. For example, they might tell someone they are irrational until the person starts to think it must be true. Sounds familiar?
insist you said or did things you know you didn’t do
deny or scoff at your recollection of events
call you “too sensitive” or “crazy” when you express your needs or concerns
express doubts to others about your feelings, behavior, and state of mind
twisting or retelling events to shift blame to you
insist they’re right and refuse to consider facts or your perspective
Signs you’ve experienced gaslighting
Experiencing gaslighting can leave you second-guessing yourself constantly, not to mention overwhelmed, confused, and uncertain about your ability to make decisions on your own.
Other key signs you’re experiencing gaslighting include:
an urge to apologize all the time
believing you can’t do anything right
frequent feelings of nervousness, anxiety, or worry
a loss of confidence
constantly wondering if you’re too sensitive
feeling disconnected from your sense of self, as if you’re losing your identity
believing you’re to blame when things go wrong
a persistent sense that something isn’t right, though you can’t identify exactly what’s wrong
a lingering sense of hopelessness, frustration, or emotional numbness
These feelings tend to come from what the other person says or implies about your behavior. For example:
“You seem so confused lately, and you keep forgetting things. I’m getting a little worried.”
“You know I wouldn’t say these things if I didn’t care, right?”
This mask of concern can leave you even more convinced there’s something “wrong” with you.
Gaslighting can also show up as changes in your behavior. You might find yourself:
making choices to please others instead of yourself
frequently questioning whether you said the right thing or made the right choice
making excuses for the person gaslighting you to family and friends
lying or isolating yourself from loved ones to avoid conflict
constantly reviewing your words and actions to make sure you’ve done everything “right”
spending little or no time on the activities or hobbies you used to enjoy
Why do people do it
According to Stern, people often gaslight because being right allows them to validate themselves. When gaslighters feel threatened, they need you to believe and support their version of events in order to maintain their sense of power and control.
Gaslighting can also happen when someone believes their narrative is more valid than someone else’s, says Ana De La Cruz, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida.
Persuading someone else to question their own reality, then, can leave them with a sense of superiority, De La Cruz explains.
It’s a Line Prompt this week.
“Why doesn’t the phone ring stop? I’ve pressed all buttons.”
i was mesmerized by none other than your eyes so alluring, your smile so enchanting. and your lips, oh! your lips how they speak of words only you with a great mind could ever speak of.
it may sound unreasonable for some, but what else is desire if we see reason in it? what else is the power of passion if we wish it to be right from the start? and what else is love when we need a reason to fall? after all, isn’t loving the very reason for love?
my mind could always argue that my heart could only agree on how love is so strong, powerful, and true. for when it is, no amount of rational reasoning could make you even stop loving.
and for that, my dear, i could do the sweetest, the most romantic for you; the sweetest like when Rachel got off the plane for Ross of “Friends”. the most romantic as Heathcliff of “Wuthering Heights” declared that he is one in body and soul with Catherine.
i am your only Rachel, and i will definitely get off the plane for you. i am your only Catherine, and i am certainly one in body and soul with you.
i will love you with the love of the eagle to soar higher. i will love you with the love of the flowers for the sunshine. i will love you with the love of the moon for the sun. i will love you just as much as i have loved you back in the days when we were young and careless.
the birthplace of my love for you is from somewhere too far to walk, from as far away as the most unreasonable desire, the most devastating hope; a place where reason isn’t reasoned at all, and hope, no matter how devastating, remains hopeful.
For Reena’s Exploration Challenge
“It came from somewhere too far to walk, from as far away as the most unreasonable desire, the most devastating hope.” – Sharmishtha Mohanty in Thirty two nights and dawns
👉in case you missed it my poem “Wednesdays of Longing” is nominated for Spillwords Publication of the Month, to vote for my poem kindly click this link. voting will close tomorrow Aug. 29, 2022
i take kindness on a different level believing even when the worst is up against my face.
i have faith in all that is good even when confronted by the bad and by the worst around me.
i love to make people happy by means of giving even when they seemed to be disturbingly arrogant and unforgiving.
i prefer order over chaos as it is what drives me sane the most.
i don’t like confrontations as it definetely will lead to nothing but agonizing shade throwing and blame shaming.
i stay away from non sense arguments and discussions because it’s even pointless to begin with.
it’s not an issue if you don’t like me as i don’t expect to be loved by everyone else it doesn’t bother me at all.
you can hate me you can curse, and i remain true to myself.
but if you don’t hear from me, which i don’t mind being silent one thing is sure; you’re toxic behavior doesn’t have a place in my heart.
but baby know, my rules apply to anyone but you and trust me when i say “i can be anything you want me to be.”
For Reena’s Exploration Challenge:
It’s a video prompt this week.
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👉if you have any question/s don’t hesitate to send us a message. we would be glad to assist you.
👉once again thank you for making “It Ain’t Winning If Without You” a best seller.
i dared and had a taste of the blazing fire in your lips that late February afternoon when summer was just in the waiting room it had me burned, burned down ’till i can’t hold on nor put a halt to the once fragment of my late night poetries and 3 am cold morning wishes i never thought it would happen so i cared not of the cruel truth i was burned, but it felt so good i was intoxicated, but it gave me power i felt so good, i felt so powerful that no amount of brutal reality could make me stop nothing could make me stop from loving you that late February afternoon.
that same fire is still burning even decades after, i am burned.
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Nelson Mandela
When I saw Reena’s photo prompt, I immediately thought of having passion in life. A passion gives us a reason to keep learning and to work toward mastery. It can often give us a reason to travel and have new experiences, so key to happiness. It gives us something in common with others and fosters social bonds. It provides us with a purpose: to dream, to aspire, to hope, and to love.
And Nelson Mandela said, “There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Never settle for less when you could have the best in life.
a change of heart reinvention a rebirth whether literal or metaphorical it is a momentous occasion in our lives a moment of great change an extraordinary development.
literature offers a smorgasbord of rebirth stories from the classic rebirth story of Ebenezer Scrooge in Christmas Carol who sees the errors of his ways and transforms to the magical love story of Beauty and the Beast when Belle realized there was more to the Beast being just a beast.
i have my fair share of rebirth stories myself, the ones that did not only change my ways but my perspectives and my disposition in life, in situations, and in handling people around.
but my greatest most amazing rebirth story, if i may say is when i met you when you held my hand for the first time, when you kissed me and embraced me and made your own that my love was a total rebirth for me it changed not only my ways, my perspective, my disposition, but it changed my heart and soul.
‘cos nothing and no one could beat the fact that love, when true and pure and honest that love, when endures the test of time that love, when held on for so long is the best rebirth story one could ever tell.
The beautiful artwork is by the talented Jayjay Z. Ebahan. You can check more of her beautiful graphic designs and artworks thru her IG and FB accounts:
i’ve seen pain in many different colors for most yellow, after the outbreak of pandemic Asians in the West silently suffered agonizing, terrifying hate crimes, brutally blamed for kicking off covid -19 elderly people and women alike were not spared really, what have they got to do with it? why so much hate?
i’ve seen pain in many different colors for most black, years, even decades have passed yet Negroes are still considered lowest members of the society America had their first Black President, along with black men and women making names in the world, but there is no denying for most they are still nobody really, what have they got to do with it? why so much hate?
i’ve seen pain in many different colors for most white, when Russia waged a war against Ukraine, Russians all over were regarded criminals just as how Germans were blamed for the persecution of the Jews, even decades after, or Japanese were blamed for Pearl Harbor bombing really, what have they got to do with it? why so much hate?
truth is pandemic is out there killing innocent people, dreams shattered truth is war is war, destroying cities after cities, waisted lives no particular color will spare you the pain the pain of agonizingly losing, the pain of silently weeping the pain of feeling hopeless and the pain of experiencing fear