Twitch

Twitch

if only i could be that one wicked witch
with vicious power to use so i could twitch
the hands of time and go back to how it was
when ours was just a love to hate or pass.

it wasn’t long ago that we made a pact
never to say goodbye regardless of the impact
of the fight, of the argument, of the disagreement
so forgive me if i don’t understand why we have come to an end.

i wish i could twitch the hands of time
back when i knew you were not mine
and all i have was just a bunch of memories
of how it used to be back in the days.

i wish i could go back in time
when i have nothing but just
a vague memory of you.

For Reena’s Exploration Challenge

It’s True

It’s True

i’ve heard it a million times

i couldn’t possibly be wrong

it keeps spinning back and forth

in my head 

in my heart

in my being.

i knew it, i couldn’t be wrong

don’t tell me i’m goin’ crazy

it keeps coming back and forth

why doesn’t the phone ring stop?

i’ve pressed all buttons.

no, i’m not delusional

no, i’m not crazy

no, i’m not paranoid

how dare you call me one

in names, i am not

i’ve heard it and i knew it to be true.

you’ve insisted it’s me being paranoid

nothing’s happening

nothing’s wrong

with the phone

or the surroundings

or the people around.

so you took your hands off me

after all, how could you possibly

be with someone whose

like me.

but really, it’s true

why doesn’t the phone ring stop?

i’ve pressed all buttons

it’s happening

you refused to believe

just as you refuse

to see where 

i am coming from 

in my agony. 

Gaslighting has become the latest emotional abuse trend. I wanted to call it a trend because I had never heard about it before.

Gaslighting, according to the dictionary, is to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. Sounds terrible, right? But this happens to many; some don’t know their partners are gaslighting them. Unfortunately, the one gaslighting you may not also be aware of their behavior, and if they are, they refuse to believe. 

In relationships, an abusive person may use gaslighting to isolate their partner, undermine their confidence, and make them easier to control. For example, they might tell someone they are irrational until the person starts to think it must be true. Sounds familiar?

Here is an interesting article about gaslighting that might help you process or deal with the abuse and hopefully quickly leave the situation. (https://www.healthline.com/health/gaslighting)

Someone who’s gaslighting might:

  • insist you said or did things you know you didn’t do
  • deny or scoff at your recollection of events
  • call you “too sensitive” or “crazy” when you express your needs or concerns
  • express doubts to others about your feelings, behavior, and state of mind
  • twisting or retelling events to shift blame to you
  • insist they’re right and refuse to consider facts or your perspective

Signs you’ve experienced gaslighting

Experiencing gaslighting can leave you second-guessing yourself constantly, not to mention overwhelmed, confused, and uncertain about your ability to make decisions on your own.

Other key signs you’re experiencing gaslighting include:

  • an urge to apologize all the time
  • believing you can’t do anything right
  • frequent feelings of nervousness, anxiety, or worry
  • a loss of confidence
  • constantly wondering if you’re too sensitive
  • feeling disconnected from your sense of self, as if you’re losing your identity
  • believing you’re to blame when things go wrong
  • a persistent sense that something isn’t right, though you can’t identify exactly what’s wrong
  • a lingering sense of hopelessness, frustration, or emotional numbness

These feelings tend to come from what the other person says or implies about your behavior. For example:

  • “You seem so confused lately, and you keep forgetting things. I’m getting a little worried.”
  • “You know I wouldn’t say these things if I didn’t care, right?”

This mask of concern can leave you even more convinced there’s something “wrong” with you.

Gaslighting can also show up as changes in your behavior. You might find yourself:

  • making choices to please others instead of yourself
  • frequently questioning whether you said the right thing or made the right choice
  • making excuses for the person gaslighting you to family and friends
  • lying or isolating yourself from loved ones to avoid conflict
  • constantly reviewing your words and actions to make sure you’ve done everything “right”
  • spending little or no time on the activities or hobbies you used to enjoy

Why do people do it

According to Stern, people often gaslight because being right allows them to validate themselves. When gaslighters feel threatened, they need you to believe and support their version of events in order to maintain their sense of power and control.

Gaslighting can also happen when someone believes their narrative is more valid than someone else’s, says Ana De La Cruz, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida.

Persuading someone else to question their own reality, then, can leave them with a sense of superiority, De La Cruz explains.

It’s a Line Prompt this week.

“Why doesn’t the phone ring stop? I’ve pressed all buttons.”

Old Oak Tree

Old Oak Tree

dig a grave of me
upon the shallow old oak tree
no, not in the fancy cemetery where
people are laid to rest
for when i die i will not be at rest
i don’t belong there.

my soul belongs to the vastness of the universe
where i will wander and wander more
maybe in the wilderness i will see the beauty of life
i was deprived of when i was alive.

my spirit belongs to the deep blue ocean
where i could freely swim down
at the bottom of the sea and there maybe there
i would find peace i so long to have for free.

i belong to the skies
i belong to the seas
i belong to the mountains
the hills and the valleys.

dig a grave of me
upon the shallow old oak tree
and let me die freely in peace
let me roam around graciously in space
unleash me of my misery.

For Reena’s Exploration Challenge: my word is “misery.”

You

You

i was mesmerized by none other than your eyes so alluring, your smile so enchanting. and your lips, oh! your lips how they speak of words only you with a great mind could ever speak of.

it may sound unreasonable for some, but what else is desire if we see reason in it? what else is the power of passion if we wish it to be right from the start? and what else is love when we need a reason to fall? after all, isn’t loving the very reason for love?

my mind could always argue that my heart could only agree on how love is so strong, powerful, and true. for when it is, no amount of rational reasoning could make you even stop loving.

and for that, my dear, i could do the sweetest, the most romantic for you; the sweetest like when Rachel got off the plane for Ross of “Friends”. the most romantic as Heathcliff of “Wuthering Heights” declared that he is one in body and soul with Catherine.

i am your only Rachel, and i will definitely get off the plane for you. i am your only Catherine, and i am certainly one in body and soul with you.

i will love you with the love of the eagle to soar higher. i will love you with the love of the flowers for the sunshine. i will love you with the love of the moon for the sun. i will love you just as much as i have loved you back in the days when we were young and careless.

the birthplace of my love for you is from somewhere too far to walk, from as far away as the most unreasonable desire, the most devastating hope; a place where reason isn’t reasoned at all, and hope, no matter how devastating, remains hopeful.

For Reena’s Exploration Challenge

Prompt:

“It came from somewhere too far to walk, from as far away as the most unreasonable desire, the most devastating hope.” – Sharmishtha Mohanty in Thirty two nights and dawns

👉in case you missed it my poem “Wednesdays of Longing” is nominated for Spillwords Publication of the Month, to vote for my poem kindly click this link. voting will close tomorrow Aug. 29, 2022

Anyone But You

Anyone But You

i take kindness on a different level
believing even when the worst is up
against my face.

i have faith in all that is good even when confronted by the bad and by the worst
around me.

i love to make people happy by means of giving even when they seemed to be disturbingly arrogant and unforgiving.

i prefer order over chaos as it is what drives me sane the most.

i don’t like confrontations as it definetely will lead to nothing but agonizing shade throwing and blame shaming.

i stay away from non sense arguments
and discussions because it’s even
pointless to begin with.

it’s not an issue if you don’t like me as i don’t expect to be loved by everyone else it doesn’t bother me at all.

you can hate me you can curse, and i remain true to myself.

but if you don’t hear from me, which i don’t mind being silent one thing is sure; you’re toxic behavior doesn’t have a place in my heart.

but baby know, my rules apply to anyone but you
and trust me when i say  “i can be anything you want me to be.”

For Reena’s Exploration Challenge:

It’s a video prompt this week.

👉here’s how to get a copy of my 7th book and #1amazonbestseller “It Ain’t Winning If Without You”…

👉for my readers in India you can purchase the kindle and paperback copy directly from Amazon India.

👉 for my readers in US and other parts of the world you may get it thru Amazon.Com for both kindle and paperback

👉 for my Filipino readers, kindly send us a message to reserve a paperback copy of the book. to those who have made a reservation, thank you very much. paperback copy will arrive Manila by end of August.

👉if you have any question/s don’t hesitate to send us a message. we would be glad to assist you.

👉once again thank you for making “It Ain’t Winning If Without You” a best seller.

Burned

Burned

i dared and had a taste
of the blazing fire in your lips
that late February afternoon
when summer was just
in the waiting room
it had me burned,
burned down ’till i can’t
hold on nor put a halt
to the once fragment
of my late night poetries
and 3 am cold morning wishes
i never thought it would happen
so i cared not of the cruel truth
i was burned,
but it felt so good
i was intoxicated,
but it gave me power
i felt so good, i felt so powerful
that no amount of brutal reality
could make me stop
nothing could make me stop
from loving you that late
February afternoon.

that same fire is still burning
even decades after, i am burned.

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Nelson Mandela

When I saw Reena’s photo prompt, I immediately thought of having passion in life. A passion gives us a reason to keep learning and to work toward mastery. It can often give us a reason to travel and have new experiences, so key to happiness. It gives us something in common with others and fosters social bonds. It provides us with a purpose: to dream, to aspire, to hope, and to love.

And Nelson Mandela said, “There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Never settle for less when you could have the best in life.

Rebirth

Rebirth

a change of heart
reinvention
a rebirth
whether literal or metaphorical
it is a momentous occasion
in our lives
a moment of great change
an extraordinary development.

literature offers a smorgasbord
of rebirth stories
from the classic rebirth story of
Ebenezer Scrooge in Christmas Carol
who sees the errors of his ways and transforms
to the magical love story of Beauty and the Beast
when Belle realized there was more to the Beast
being just a beast.

i have my fair share
of rebirth stories myself, the ones
that did not only change my ways
but my perspectives and my disposition
in life, in situations, and in handling people around.

but my greatest most amazing
rebirth story, if i may say
is when i met you when you held my hand
for the first time, when you kissed me
and embraced me and made your own
that my love was a total rebirth for me
it changed not only my ways, my perspective,
my disposition, but it changed
my heart and soul.

‘cos nothing and no one could beat the fact
that love, when true and pure and honest
that love, when endures the test of time
that love, when held on for so long
is the best rebirth story
one could ever tell.

P. S.

The beautiful artwork is by the talented Jayjay Z. Ebahan. You can check more of her beautiful graphic designs and artworks thru her IG and FB accounts:

https://instagram.com/hrhjin?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

https://www.facebook.com/jayjayzandueta

For Reena’s Exploration Challenge #236

for Reena’s Exploration Challenge

Pain in Many Colors

Pain in Many Colors

i’ve seen pain in many different colors
for most yellow,
after the outbreak of pandemic Asians
in the West silently suffered agonizing, terrifying hate crimes,
brutally blamed for kicking off covid -19
elderly people and women alike
were not spared
really, what have they got to do with it?
why so much hate?

i’ve seen pain in many different colors
for most black,
years, even decades have passed yet Negroes
are still considered lowest members of the society
America had their first Black President, along with black men and women
making names in the world, but there is no denying for most they are still nobody
really, what have they got to do with it?
why so much hate?

i’ve seen pain in many different colors
for most white,
when Russia waged a war against Ukraine, Russians all over were regarded criminals
just as how Germans were blamed for the persecution of the Jews,
even decades after, or Japanese were blamed for Pearl Harbor bombing
really, what have they got to do with it?
why so much hate?

truth is pandemic is out there killing innocent people, dreams shattered
truth is war is war, destroying cities after cities, waisted lives
no particular color will spare you the pain
the pain of agonizingly losing,
the pain of silently weeping
the pain of feeling hopeless
and the pain of experiencing fear