Stars Fled from Your Eyes


Stars Fled from Your Eyes


stars fled from your eyes

and the shadow of death
cast upon your face
on this dark gloomy night
filled with goodbyes
and unending sighs
of a once promising life

stars fled from your eyes
and you stop dreaming
of what could have been’s
and what if’s
a future you may never see
for it has become so bleak
and gloomy

stars fled from your eyes
and it may never come back
unless you take the courage
to speak up
seek for help
and maybe, just maybe
start anew

stars fled from your eyes, but you’re not done yet


Things that break on earth don’t reach the clouds above us. Burning villages don’t change the schedule of sunsets. And stars remain stars, no matter how much land we destroy.

But when the sky loses all of its lights and unleashes a thunderstorm, everything drowns.

Erin was a vibrant, happy, and joyful woman. To her many boyfriends, all of whom mistreated her verbally and physically, she was patient. To Sufi, she was a great human being, and an even better friend.

To herself, Erin was unfair.

She grew up believing she only deserved the kind of love that did nothing but hurt her. And Sufi watched her pick partner after partner that mentally burned her out, and repeatedly destroyed her heart.

Still, Erin’s aspirations, inspiration, imagination, wonder, dreams, pursuits, creative brilliance, her magic, remained bright as stars on a cloudless evening, always. Until they didn’t.

Abuse is not at all clear cut. But Sufi remembered with perfect clarity when her best friend lost the sparkle in her eyes.

First, the silence. Even though marrying the love of your life should be a nervous, excited, rambunctious affair.

Then, the realization of her colleagues that Erin was living with a man who was comfortable with sending his wife to work with bruises and a black eye.

And the dark understanding of the weight of Erin having a son, and nowhere to go that felt safe enough to risk her husband following them, and breaking them worse than he would if they stayed put.

Sufi suffered watching her, but all everyone that genuinely loved Erin could do was love her, until she began loving herself enough to see that she too was deserving of better treatment.

It took years, and all their support, and the kind of bravery you only learn while trying to fight through a thunderstorm, but Erin gained the self-respect she needed to leave the one that was drowning her light.

Coming home should be the safest thing we ever do in this life. Where we lay our heads at night should be where monsters will not reach us. And yet, so many find themselves making homes with monsters instead.



More poems and stories of abuse and violence are available in my book “After – Rain Skies: A Million Stars”

Books are available for sale at

The PWW Centre
15 Market Street
30000 Ipoh
Tel : 05-2469715



After – Rain Skies: A Million Stars

“Coming home should be the safest thing we ever do in this life. Where we lay our heads at night should be where monsters will not reach us. And yet, so many find themselves making homes with monsters instead.”





The best things in life happen unexpectedly, and come from where and when you least expect it. Such is the story behind the birth of this book. It was a random trip to Ipoh that started it all. I was taking a stroll down Old Town Ipoh, along Concubine Lane, when a small shop with stars hanging all over caught my attention.

The PWW Shop is owned and managed by Perak Women for Women Society, an organization that is geared towards providing assistance to women in need. They sell new and pre-loved items that help fund the foundation’s various activities.

I was so inspired by their “One Million Stars to End Violence – Malaysia” advocacy that I wrote about it on my blog, and also encouraged my fellow bloggers to join me in helping the foundation hit their one millionth star.

The responses were really overwhelming. Many shared their own stories of abuse and violence and how they struggled to get help. The stories shared were so inspiring that it prompted me to send an email to the foundation, and, as they say, the rest is history.

May we all be inspired by these stories; as these are not only stories of abuse and violence, but stories too of love, hope, joy, forgiveness and healing.

****Initial copies of the book will be available for sale on September 21, 2019 (Saturday)  at BALLROOM, SYEUN HOTEL, IPOH .

****If you are interested to buy please leave a comment below.


Ikaw (Bangko Part 3)

P.S. It’s the last day of August. We culminate today the Buwan ng Wika (National Language Month) So, i am posting my finale of my short story. Enjoy guys.

P.S. (again) Thanks to a really good friend who was my inspiration in writing  this story.


Parang eksena sa pelikula kung paano tayo pinagtagpo ng tadhana after 7 years.  Nakita kita sa malayo. Sinadya kitang binangga sa pag aakalang hindi mo ako kilala. But to my surprise, tinawag mo ako sa aking pangalan. 

Ngumiti ka at ako’y natulala.

“Kumusta ka” ang iyong tanong. 

“You look good”, ang wala sa lugar kong sagot. Kasi naman you really look good.

Doon na nagsimula ang lahat.

After all, kilala mo din pala ako. Yours was a story of a man na natorpe lumapit. Cliche ika nga, but, well version mo yun.

Sabi mo nga ” you are close to being perfect, and i was….never mind”

Insecure…torpe… whatever your reason maybe, it doesn’t matter anymore.

Pasta ang inorder ko the first time we had lunch together. After which we had coffee. Masaya kang kasama. Magaan. Para bang we’ve known each other for a really long time. 

We were like long lost friend.  Walang adjustment na nangyari. 

Nasundan pa ng maraming beses ang lunch natin. Hindi ko na din mabilang kung ilang beses akong omorder ng pasta. Pasta sa Monday, sa Tuesday, hanggang Friday. Red, white and green (I meant pesto) na pasta. Favorite ko ang pasta. Di kasi ako marice. But believe me; yung unang beses na nag lunch tayo, yun na yata ang pinakamasarap na pastang natikman ko sa tanang buhay ko. 

Masarap kang kasama. It felt so good and so right. 

Bakit marami ang nahuhumaling sa kape kahit nakakapalpitate ito? 

Bakit marami ang may gusto ng pasta kahit fully loaded ng carbs ito?

Kahit masama, dahil masarap okay lang.

Bakit laging puno ang bangko? kahit mahaba ang pila okay lang kasi we need to save up.

Parang ikaw, I invested on you… and now, i am able to take it. My bonus pa.

Ikaw and pasta ng buhay ko. Di maiwasan, di matanggihan.

Ikaw ang bangko ng buhay ko. My deposit. My withdrawal.

‘Twas worth it after all.

What is it about you? Truth is, after three years, I really don’t know. I just love you and I believe that’s just how it is.


You (Bank Part 3)

I finally met you, after seven years. And it was like a movie scene. You were standing from a distance. I went past through you intentionally, believing that you will never (or you never did) recognize me.  But i was so surprised to hear you call out my name.

You smiled at me. Twas the sweetest smile. 

I froze.

“How are you?”, you asked me.

“You look good”, I said. “Twas the lamest answer i have ever given (I should have said “fine”). But you really looked good though. 

It all started that way.

After all, you knew me. 

You didn’t know how to approach me, you explained.  A dork, maybe. 

You said ” you are close to being perfect, and i was….never mind”

I ordered pasta the first time we had lunch. Then we had coffee after. It felt like we knew each other for really long. Or twas like, we were long lost friends. We hit it off immediately. 

We would have lunch then almost everyday. And whenever we have lunch, i would order for a pasta. Pasta on Mondays, Tuesdays till Friday. I cannot anymore count how many pastas have i ordered during the first month we were together. 

I have tried so much and so many pastas; but i tell you, the first time we had lunch was probably the most delicious pasta i have ever had in my whole life. Weird, but that’s true. 

I love being with you. It felt so good and so right. 

Why do we love coffee even if it triggers palpitation? 

Why do we love pasta even if it’s fully loaded with carbs?

It doesn’t really matter whether it triggers palpitation or if it is fully loaded with carbs. It takes good. It’s delicious.

And you are just like that. You are my pasta; my coffee

Why do we deposit our money in the banks? Why do we take time lining up to reach the teller? It’s necessary. We need to save up. We need to invest.

And you are just like a bank. I saved up. I invested. Now, i am having the best time of my life enjoying my savings.

‘Twas worth it after all.

What is it about you? Truth is, after three years, I really don’t know. I just love you and I believe that’s just how it is.


Bangko (Part 2)

Note: English translation is provided below

     Matindi nga namang magbiro ang tadhana. Matyaga akong nag antay na one day mapapansin mo ako. I could have flirted; but i did not. I chose not to. 

Sabi ko kasi mukhang matino ka namang tao, so flirting won’t work.  Besides, sanay akong ako ang hinahabol, ako ang sinusuyo. Pambihira! Kung kelan na ako nagkagusto minalas pa… ayaw pa yata sa akin.

Kinakarma ba ako? Alam kong wagas akong mang alaska at mang asar sa mga nanliligaw sa akin; pero di ko naman siguro deserving na mag antay na lng forever sayo. 

Pag nag iisa ako alam mo bang madalas kung tignan ang sarili ko sa salamin? Sabi ko nga, anong kulang? You must be special.

Sana bangko ka na din sa totoong buhay. Pag may deposit; may interest. Ikaw….deposit lang ako ng deposit wala man lang interest.

Ang bangko, in case of emergency, madaling mag withdraw ng naideposit mo, solve na ang worry mo. Alam mo bang maraming beses akong namoroblema? Kailangan ko sanang mag withraw ng konting pagmamahal eh. …kaso di pwede. Hindi mo naman alam na nag invest ako eh. 

Madalas nga pag nagkakasakit ako at naoospital, sa maniwala ka at sa hindi, never was there a time in the hospital that i did not wish that the next time the door opens it would be you. Gusto ko talagang mag withraw especially during those times. A little amount of embrace may make me feel better.  A little amount of care would make me well.  Pero hanggang doon na lang talaga. Kasi nga naman hindi ka bangko. Di ka pwedeng mawithraw or better yet mautang or mahiram.  A little loan may help but the stake is just too much. Andami siguradong requirements for credit investigation. 

Sana one day i’ll find you again.

Sana malaman ko what is it about you that makes me like you so much. Kahit ayaw mo sa akin.

Sana one day kahit pangalan mo man lang malaman ko, and from then we will start.


Bank ( Part 2)

It’s funny  how some weird fate could meddle into our lives. You could only imagine how I waited so long for you to notice me. I could have flirted; but i did not. I chose not to. After all, i thought you were really nice and descent, so flirting won’t work. And besides come to think of it…I am the one being chased about by most men. Oh, come on…why can’t i just have you?

Is this what they call karma? I know i haven’t been really nice to those who tried and attempted to win me; but I don’t think i deserve to be punished like this… No way, this is too much of a punishment. And let’s face it, I don’t think i deserve to wait for you this long.

Whenever i am alone, i would examine myself in the mirror. What is wrong with me? I can’t seem to find the answer. You must be very special then.

I wish you are a bank too. I will deposit, then i get to have an interest.  But with you, i only get to deposit no amount of interest is being given back. 

In case of emergencies, there would be a readily available ATM machines to withdraw money… and presto! My problem would be solved. 

Do you even realized that i have been in trouble so many times? And for most of those times i badly needed to withdraw, even a little amount of love; but i just can’t. You practically didn’t even know i invested love on  you.

There are times when i get so sick i needed to be hospitalized. And believe me, never was there a time in the hospital that i didn’t wish that the next time the door opens, it would be you. I really needed to withdraw then. A little amount of embrace may help me feel better. A little amount of care may make me well.  But i guess, i just can’t. I can’t even withdraw you; much more borrow or loan you. A little loan may actually help but i am sure the stake would be just too much. I am sure there would be lots of requirements for credit investigation. 

I hope one day i’ll find you again.

I wish i would know what is it about you that makes me like you so much. Even though obviously you never liked me.

And maybe one day, i’ll begin to start with your name.


Bangko (Maikling Kwento ng Katangahan)

Note: for my non – Filipino readers please find below my English translation of this piece.

This is my second piece written in Filipino in celebration of our Language Month (Buwan ng Wika)


  “Next please”..madalas sigaw ng teller sa bangko.

Sa kakatunganga ko di ko namalayaang ako na pala ang 

“next please”. Epic fail

Eh paano naman kasi nakikita kita sa gilid ng mata ko.

Pangiti – ngiti; pasulat – sulat.

In short, busy ka. Ni hindi mo nga namalayang merong titig ng titig sayo.

Doon kita unang nakita. Sa bangko.

Ang bangko ay para sa mga gustong magdeposit, magwithraw, o di kaya mag loan, ika nga umutang.

‘Yan lang.

Di totoo yan. Kasi ako pumupunta sa bangko di para magdeposit, magwithraw or umutang kundi para makita ka. 

Oo antindi ko ano? nagdedeposit naman ako. Paunti – unti nga lang.

At eto pa, lahat ng klaseng accounts na – open kona. Sa katunayan, nga eh naging kaibigan ko na ang mga teller doon.

Excited ako twing pupunta ng bangko, paano kasi makikita kita.

Makikita kitang ni minsan, ay hindi man lang ako sinulyapan. Duda nga ako kung maganda ba ako talaga o ginogoyo lang ako ng mga nagsasabing maganda ako. 

Yong isang teller nga kababaeng tao pero maka flirt sa akin wagas. No offense meant here ha.

Lumipas ang maraming araw, linggo, bwan at taon. Pero dyahe talaga, ni sulyap ayaw mo akong bigyan. Siguro nga pangit talaga ako sa paningin mo.

Nakakaramdam na ako ng lungkot. Di mo na nga yata ako mapapansin, eh paano naman kasi taon na talaga ang lumipas at loob ng maraming taon ang tanging nasasambit ko ay “i wonder how it feels to kiss him”…

Kapag offline at pinaantay ako ng teller, sa halip na mainip ay tuwang tuwa ako.

Kapag may matanda sa likuran kong nakapila, nagbabait baitan ako at pinauuna ko sya.

Sayang din kasi ang dagdag exposure ko sana sayo. Pero wala talaga.

It’s been years.

Marami na ang nangyari sa buhay ko.

Oo na aminado ako. Katalinong tao nag aantay sa wala. Dagdag mo yung sa totoo lang maganda ako noh.

One day, nagdeposit ulit ako. Di kita nakita. Nakipagdaldalan muna ako sa teller na naging kaibigan ko. Baka kasi nag break ka lng. Pero hindi mo break eh. Kasi sa tinagal tagal ng panahong pumupunta ako sa bangko ng ganoong oras, never kang nag break. So sigurado ako, di mo break. Baka absent ka, o sick leave kaya.

Umuwi akong malungkot. Obvious ba. 

After one week nagdeposit ulit ako. Wala ka pa rin. Nag worry ako. Kung sick leave ka, eh di one week ka ng nagkakasakit. Nahiya naman akong magtanong kasi alam ng lahat we’re not friends not even in speaking terms, nor hi or hello.. Worst, we were never introduced.

Oo nga ano, bakit nga ba walang may nagpakilala sa atin? 

Again, umuwi akong malungkot.

That was it. the next time i went to the bank. BOOM! Narinig ko nagresign  ka na daw.

Ansakit. Gusto kong maiyak right there and then. Paano na ako? Ay wala naman pala akong dahilan umiyak. I doubt if you even realized i ever existed. 

I never went back to the bank again.

Few years after my “dormancy letter” na ako, reminding me to update my accounts.  At narealize ko malaki laki na din pala naipon ko.

Ang mga tao pag pumupunta ng bangko nag iinvest ng pera. Ako pumupunta ng bangko para mag invest ng pagmamahal. Hey, wait.. mahal nga ba kita? 

Winidraw ko na ang mag savings ko. Malaki laki na din. Pwde ko na din bang mawidraw ang pagmamahal na nainvest ko? Di ko kasi alam kung saan ka hahaapin eh. Wala kasi akong mapagtanungan. Paano wala namang may alam na loka loka ako at my gusto ako sayo.

Sana magkita ulit tayo.  Promise pag nagkita tayo ulit i will make sure, mapapansin mo ako, magugustuhan mo ako.

Pangako yan.

Ano nga ba ang pangalan mo?


Bank (A short stupid love story)

“Next please”.. this is what i usually hear from the teller in the bank when they call out for  their next customer to be served.

I wasn’t paying so much attention. I was busy looking intensely at you. You were busy working in your table. You were writing. You were smiling. You were answering calls. Unfortunately, you never noticed i was looking at you all this time. Funny for me though, ‘cos i was already the one being called ” next please'”.. the teller has to even yell at me. 

It was in the bank when i saw you first.

A bank is for people who wanted to save or loan money.

It wasn’t the case for me,… its not true. I go to the bank regularly  not only to deposit or save money; it was my only chance to see you. Wow, how noble is that?

But, well.. i do have my accounts there. I’d deposit most of the times in really very minimal amount of money. Clearly, just to have a valid reason to be there and see you. Actually, truth is, I had seven accounts in the bank. One of the tellers became my friend already.

I was always excited to go to the bank. Well, of course because you were there. I will see you again.  I will see you again, who unfortunately never noticed me at all. …Ever…

There were times when i doubted my looks. Am i really pretty as what most people say? Maybe after all, i am not, because you never noticed me, nor even looked at me.

In fact, that lady teller i mentioned would sometimes flirt at me. No offense meant here but, hey come on, let’s face it I am pretty.

Days passed… months…even years…But, i did not get even a single glance from you. Maybe i am really not that pretty.

I was losing hope. I don’t think you will ever notice me at all. After all, it’s been years. And all for these years i have been wondering “how it feels like kissing him?…

There were times when the bank’s system would go offline. Some clients would be pest off and complained. I wasn’t pest off and i never complained. Of course why would i be pest off?  I in fact happy. I have more reasons to stay.

There were times too, when i would play nice to an  elderly woman behind me by allowing her to go first. Well, again, another reason to stay longer in the bank.

It’s been years.

So much and so many happened in my life.

Alright, i must admit. How could someone so smart and intelligent be waiting for something to happen over someone who practically never knew i exist?

One day, i went to the bank for my usual deposit drama. I didn’t saw you there. I chatted over my lady teller/lesbian friend with the hope that you just went on a break. But i realized, i have been going back and forth to the bank on that same time of the day, but you were never on “break”.  Well, i thought, “maybe you went on a leave…sick leave?’

I went home sad. Obviously. 

After one week i  went back to the bank again for another “deposit drama”.  You were not there yet again. So if you went on a sick leave, you must have been sick for one week…ahhhh how are you feelin then?

I have no one to ask. Well i was hesitant to ask because the whole world supposedly knew we were not friends, not even on a “hi, hello” mode. Worst i don’t think you knew I ever existed. 

Again, i went home very sad. Obviously. 

That was it. The next time i was back…BOOM!!! i overheard the tellers talking,  discussing your resignation. 

I was hurt. I wanted to break down, right there and then. ”How ’bout me?'”…Ohh, stupid…i don’t have the reason the be hurt after all.  And yes again, i doubt if you ever realized i existed.  

I never went back to the bank again. Why would i?

Few years after, i received a “dormancy letter” saying i needed to update my accounts. I realized i saved so much money already over the course of time going back and forth in the bank wanting to see you. Amazing!!

A bank is for people to save or invest money. In my case i did not just invest money. I invested LOVE. Hey, am i in love with you? Even if you never noticed me?

I closed my accounts and withdrew my investments.

Can i also withdraw the love i invested on you? I actually don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t find you, I have no one to ask. Besides no one knew i went crazy over you. (Sigh…)

I can only hope  i will see you one day… soon.

I promise when that happens i will make sure you will notice me. I swear… you will like me then.

I promise.

“Oh, by the way what’s your name?”