These Times

These Times

i would never forget the times
i am begging for you to stay
i am grateful for those times
you left me waiting; uncertain
i know how your heart breaks
more than mine
but that taught me
love’s greatest lesson
to look beyond what eyes can see
to feel loved beyond
hugs and kisses and warm embraces
especially at times when you are near me
yet a single glimpse is not possible
these times when love is love
regardless of and no matter what
these times when love is love
even if it felt like a glassful water
splashed, suspended in the air
not knowing when to fall
not knowing how to land
unbroken
unshattered
unhurt
these times.

For Sadje’s WDYS

Love Liberates (after Maya Angelou)

Love Liberates (after Maya Angelou)

if you need permission to go i set you free
i’m sorry it took me years to do it with glee
i’m sorry i didn’t dare to do it sooner
i’m sorry for losing you i couldn’t bear.

i am grateful for your love all through these years
i am grateful for the many chances and many tears
i am grateful for all the times you let me be
i am grateful for the moments you stayed with me.

i love you even if you are near or far
i love you even if you live elsewhere
i love you even if i don’t see you around
i love you even if i don’t hear your sound

i would love to have your arms around me
i would love to have your smile to see
i would love to have your hug to hold
i would love to have your hand to hold

but that is not possible for now
so if you need permission to go
i set you free, i let you go
you deserve it from me

some people need permission to go
and i did not give that to you
it took me decades to let you go
and now, it’s time for you to go

love liberates
and i liberate you
from my love.

P. S.

Maya Angelou has always been my favorite American poet and civil rights activist. Maya Angelou speaks about the power of love to liberate the human spirit. She speaks of how her mother’s love liberated her to become her fullest self and how Maya’s love liberated her mother at the end of her mother’s life.

And when i saw Sadje’s photo prompt today, i was reminded of my Papa. the boat is and has always been symbolic of the fact that i have had separation “problems” with my father ever since i was a kid. i hate to see him leave for long days of work. why the boat? because i grew up spending my summer vacations in Boracay with the rest of my siblings and my father. and the boat is the only means of transportation to go and leave the island. and at the end of our summer vacation, i could not even bear the idea of looking at the boat because it will signify us leaving the island.

when my father died years ago, i was devastated (i was already an adult when he died) for one, i didn’t get to see him before he died. and years after i still feel like a am still holding on to him. there are days when i had to blame him for not waiting for me. there are days when i wanted him so bad because i am in such a big mess.

and though, i grew up so sheltered my papa never doubted, that i could one day become a strong and independent woman. he never doubted my skills, my talents, and my dreams. his love made me the woman that i am now. his love liberated me from the traditional “papa’s girl” notion; that when you are one, you won’t be able to do things on your own.

it has been over a decade now since he passed away, and as father’s day is now approaching it is just fitting to honor him and his love and to finally let him go. liberate him; from me questioning why he didn’t give me the chance to at least say my final goodbye to him.

Happy Father’s Day Papa, i promise from now on i will be writing poems about you only to celebrate your love for me.

for Sadje’s WDYS
https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2022/06/13/what-do-you-see-138/

A Bit of my Heart

A Bit of my Heart

can you hear the voice of my heart?
can you hear its cry and agony?
can you hear it screams your name?
your name. your name.

can you see the face of my heart?
can you see how lonely and empty it is?
can you see it longs for your smile?
your smile. your smile.

can you feel my heart?
can you feel  its sorrow and affliction?
can you feel how it yearns for your touch?
your touch. your touch.

i wonder did you even get to know my heart at all?
did you even get to understand how it beats of a hundred million love for you?
did you even realize how deeply it love you for years and years?

do you know even a bit of my heart?
i bet you don’t that’s why you left
and took on the easy way out.

Maze

Maze

it was a tiring journey
with winding roads
and crazy trails
it has tested my skills
my resilience
my conviction
and my strength.

it wasn’t easy at all
navigating was hard
much more overcoming
the unfamiliar trail
the strange highway
the journey to the
unknown was
daunting.

life raised me
for that
i found my way
my way out
of the maze.

life raised me.

Unannounced

Unannounced

how do i mend my broken heart?
my broken mind? my broken promise? my broken hope?
for everytime i look at my self in the mirror
i can’t help but see the brokenness in me.

that broken piece of me you took away
i don’t blame you for that though
but i must say i hated you for leaving me
just like that.

unannounced.

how dare you not give me the chance
the chance every human being deserve
the chance to say goodbye
the chance to watch you go.

but you went.

unannounced. unnoticed.
and i don’t know if i could ever
forgive myself or you, or the circumstances
sorrounding your departure.

it sucks.

it hurts.

it pains me so damn hard.
and i don’t know how to get over it.

you left me dad.
unannounced.
and i am broken

even decades after.

P.S.

Happy Birthday in heaven Papa💕

Answer

Answer

you asked me if I can still take it
if i can still carry on with all the pains
if i tell you i’m tired can you do anything?
can anything be changed?
i guess nothing.
nothing.

so let the wind blows my pain away
let the dark night swallow my worries
let time take all my heart aches
by then maybe just maybe
i will have the answer to your question.

for now let me love you
no questions asked
no hesitations
no compromises
just love
pure love.

Air

Air

i inhale silence
for it is the only kind of air
my lungs are familiar with
and i exhale indifference
for it is the only way
silence is expelled
out of my system
out of my body
then i hush myself
to sleep at night
with the hope
that tomorrow
a new kind of air
would breathe freely
thru my lungs

for Sadje’s WDYS

Mikaela

Day 25 of NaPoWriMo – Today’s (optional) prompt is based on the aisling, a poetic form that developed in Ireland. An aisling recounts a dream or vision featuring a woman who represents the land or country on/in which the poet lives, and who speaks to the poet about it. Today, I’d like to challenge you to write a poem that recounts a dream or vision, and in which a woman appears who represents or reflects the area in which you live. Perhaps she will be the Madonna of the Traffic Lights, or the Mysterious Spirit of Bus Stops. Or maybe you will be addressed by the Lost Lady of the Stony Coves. Whatever form your dream-visitor takes, happy writing!

For Sadje’s WDYS: https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2022/04/25/what-do-you-see-131-april-252022/

Mikaela

i’ve never lost sight of you lately, in my dreams and in people i see
you’re the one thing my heart’s been crying for months now
with tears in my eyes i saw you walked me through my own childhood
the games that children play, to which i failed to do
’twas so fun seeing you skip and hop; shout and yell.

you were there too maybe when i was talking to a friend one afternoon
as i couldn’t get you off my mind, you keep coming out through my words
the things we would have done together, and the places we would have visited sooner
the friends and relatives you would have met around
would surely be happy and gay just by mere mention of you.

one night you showed me how your growing days would be
carefree and jolly, that’s how you want your days woud be
you walked me through the playground you wish to go
with the slides and the swing; you taught me to be play along
i swear i’d do everything just to keep you and see you smile all along
i swear i’d be keeping you company in all that you wanna do
i swear to be fun around.

i never lost sight of you and i never i wanted to, for i got your name
tattoed in my heart, in my mind and in my soul
you will be loved and remembered wherever you are
just promise me, you visit me always in my dream
show me places you’ve been to, show me things you’ve done.

make me the happiest by witnessing you become the wonderful woman i’ve always thought you’d be
losing you is tantamount to losing one pontentially good human being
come back anytime soon let’s read my favorite childhood books
let’s master multiple wordgames or we could play hide and seek; a game mama failed to do as a child.

but first let me start by calling you Mikaela, which means “one who is like God”.

Five Haikus

NaPoWriMo Day 18 Today, I’d like to challenge you to write your own poem that provides five answers to the same question – without ever specifically identifying the question that is being answered.

Five Haikus

I. just drop everything
take a deep and solemn breath
relax find your strength

II. it is essential
to strengthen your inner core
this balances you

III. close your eyes inhale
count one to ten hold your breath
eyes open exhale

IV. find your inner self
meditate as you relax
journey with your soul

V. the power is you
the courage is within you
search and go for it

Also for Sadje’s WDYS (https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2022/04/18/what-do-you-see-130-18-april-2022/)