Feature Story (A Flash Fiction)

Feature Story (A Flash Fiction)

“i just want to sleep. a coma would be nice, or amnesia, maybe. let me forget, even for a while, just to get rid of these thoughts in my mind. did he violate my mind too?”

i remember it so well, the look in his eyes, the smirk on his face, and the way he moves his body. i remember it all. and it keeps playing in my head on repeat.

it was late afternoon but too early for the night when he passed by and drove me home. i could be graphic and narrate everything as i see it in my mind now, but i won’t. i won’t give him a chance to invade my thoughts. i won’t let him manipulate how my mind will work.

if i were to rage a war, i’d begin by telling my story of that one unfortunate night. he was a deranged selfish man who could not accept defeat.

why did he do it?

was my ultimate question. what was he trying to prove? sexual prowess or to control through fear?

and why didn’t i file a complaint?

i felt humiliated and confused. my soul was in great fear while my mind was in a rage. there was an overwhelming sense of vulnerability and a paralyzing feeling of lack of control over my life. i was haunted by the fear of the place in which it occurred. i became a total stranger to myself. i didn’t have enough courage to tell anyone much more file a formal rape case.

i became a fully functional victim for so long. i went on with my life and never told anyone.

until today.

i am telling my story for a newspaper feature in the celebration of Women’s Month. i know that he will read this and feel the wrath of my account. by now, he is an old man. old and fragile man; after all, it has been over two decades. and reading this would bring back the evil he was when he was young.

he will then now pray to all the gods that what he did to me will never happen to any of his beloved daughters (i pray, too, with all my heart). still, as we both pray, he would realize hell is coming his way now while i am moving towards reclaiming the peace in my mind and the serenity in my heart.

Epilogue:

he reads his own brutality in the newspaper as he sips a cup of coffee. regrets will fill him in. sorrow will eat every cell of his body. he will take the newspaper and burn it until it becomes a complete pile of ashes. he burned it so that his family won’t have access to read it. but, lo and behold! his beloved wife arrived from work later that day.

“is this you? was this you? the description fits perfectly well, and you told me once of the young girl you dearly loved but never loved you back.”

     – END –

Be My Muse

Be My Muse

stay with me and be my darling
and together we will be singing
melodious songs of hyms of love
with rhythms from heavens above.

sit beside me in this meadow
listen closely to the gentle echo
of serenading birds upon the trees
and the serene humming of the bees.

kiss me goodnight with the sun down
make me your queen without a crown
in the vastness of your kingdom
and the immensity of your wisdom.

love me tenderly as we close our eyes
keep me closer to your heart without disguise
for the world is brighter and better
with your love around the corner.

live with me and be my muse
and together we will amuse
the world with our poetic delight
with hope and a little light.

be my muse my darling
let’s make life worth living.

Cry (A Poetic Flash Fiction)

Cry (A Poetic Flash Fiction)

“i wonder how service personnel in a 5-star restaurant feel about serving the best food, yet unable to provide the same to their own families?”

i saw you raised your eyebrows with my question.

“i also wonder how bank tellers feel counting money every day when their problem is lack of money?”

your eyes widened as your forehead narrowed.

 “i admire your imagination and your compassion and empathy for people.” you finally said.

“i wonder ‘though, did you ever think of me when you left me broken, hurt, and devastated?”

i didn’t see that coming. i didn’t realize that even after all those years, you still remember the day i left you without the much needed explanation.

i didn’t realize that you are still hurting. i could actually feel the hurt in each word as you uttered them.

your words ushered me back to a doorway to the past. i could almost see your eyes in suppressed tears as I said my goodbye. i could see your blood oozing out of your face, for it has turned bloody red.

and for the first time, i saw your look of pain and agony, the looked i failed to know because i had just walked away.

i walked away and never looked back.

i didn’t see you cry.

but you did.

Search

Search

against the chaos that surrounds
i searched for your loving eyes
in the crowd.

i need to see you look at me saying, “it’s gonna be okay.” even if i know in my heart it will never be okay.

i lost my dreams in my search for peace.
i lost my faith in my search for hope.
i lost myself in my search for freedom.

and

i lost you in my search for tomorrow.

now, i’m left with nothing but your loving eyes that says “i told you, it’s gonna be okay.”

it’s time to give up searching for things beyond my control, for opportunities that may never come, for stories that may never happen, for chances that were never meant to take, and for tomorrows that will never come.

for today, unlike before, it’s genuinely gonna be okay. i believe in you, so i surrender. i have faith in you, so i submit.

“i’m sorry it took me so long,” i said.

“don’t be sorry,” you replied.

without a word, you took my hand and put a ring on my finger.

For Sadje’s WDYS:

Growth

Growth

i walked through the shadows of the trees on a cold, eerie night. i was among the green grass that covered the saturated soil.

i walked miles and miles. i was tired. i was hopeless. i couldn’t find my way out of the woods, out of the darkness.

i searched for the answer to my dark-tempered soul. i longed for the glimmer of light amidst my convenience in the dark.

i was locked up. locked up in the expansive wild vastness of the mountain where i’d been circling around for years but hadn’t found even an inch of chance for freedom. and in my loneliness and solitude, i whispered, “sometimes, it’s better to be locked up than to be broken.”

really? or was it just my hopelessness that made me think my freedom wasn’t as significant as everyone believed it to be? maybe i am better off where i am now. perhaps i am better off with how i am feeling now.

little did i realize that in my loneliness and hopelessness, a seed of hope was growing. in my isolation, freedom is being born. in my despair, love is growing.

for Sadje’s WDYS

Gift

Gift

so, i threw my trauma
out of the garbage bin
for the garbage collector
to collect and dispose
but you took it back
and wrapped it in
fancy paper with
ribbons and scented color card
packed perfectly like
a holiday gift, then you
hand it to me like a bomb
bursting over in a loud noise.

there goes my trauma
back all over again
packed in fancy paper
with ribbons and
scented colored card.

Here We Are Again

Here We Are Again

here we are again challenged to confront
the things that we long wish to forget
the obstacles we struggle to get over
the pains we never get to surrender.

here we are again in a world of never-ending
regrets to what was supposed to be a beginning
regrets to what could have been’s instead
if we weren’t dumb and stupid.

here we are again in a cycle of wondering
will we ever get to the end of our suffering
will we ever get to give up
just love forever and never stop?

For Sadje:

Bluest Blue

Bluest Blue

love me like the bluest blue ocean
loves the sight of a crying seagull
from a distance at night
“so near yet so far away,”
that’s what they are
for each other.

love me as i cry my own cry
for an unforgiving night without you
we don’t need to be the
ocean and the seagull
to be “so near yet so far away,”
‘cos that’s what
we are, my dear.

Chance

Chance

“cos darling, you didn’t love me enough when you had the chance.”

you said you needed more time to gather yourself and make you whole. it’s funny, though, as the irony of it all is that while you were comfortably making yourself whole, i was literally being broken into pieces.

i was a mess, i was broken, i was lost, and you were not there; you didn’t even want to look me in the eye; for some reason, you seemed to despise even the sight of me near you, so i walked away and never look back, never bother you.

in the course of my walking away, i was slowly losing myself, i was losing my sanity. had you not shut your door for the both of us, maybe, just maybe, i would still be the same.

i lost my faith in people, and i lost my confidence in myself. had you not shut your door for the both of us, maybe, just maybe, i would have ended up crying on your shoulder that unfortunate afternoon and our story would have ended differently. our story would have had a happy ending had you not shut your door for the both of us or if only, maybe if only, you were brave enough to take that big leap on me when you had the chance.

i was broken, and i forever will be broken. i was a mess, and i forever will be a mess. and it began the day you decided not to take that big leap on me when you had the chance.

For Sadje’s WDYS: